


I don't want to be your fan. I want you to be mine.

by excusemeforfalling



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, it's all canon in my head
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-12
Updated: 2016-05-12
Packaged: 2018-06-08 02:02:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 32,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6834523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/excusemeforfalling/pseuds/excusemeforfalling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bellamy Blake is, together with his band, the newest artist on the rise and became famous over night. A few years later after his breakout he sits down together with the notorious Marcus Kane to tell his life story. Or perhaps he tells him how he and Clarke Griffin met. Who knows.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I don't want to be your fan. I want you to be mine.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so, before you start to read, You really need to listen to the song Take Me As I Am by FM Static because it has a huge meaning in the fic. 
> 
> Any mistakes are my own, and please bare with me if there are any mistakes because English is not my first language.
> 
> That's pretty much sums it up, enjoy!

“Welcome to the today’s show, and as I promised, we have a very special show in front of us!” Marcus Kane stood in front of a camera, looking smug while he clapped his hands together.

Marcus Kane was wildly known for his show where he interviewed artists, actors and other very famous people. He had even had the president on his show once. He was always brutally honest and always squeezed all the information he could out of people. He was ruthless.

The audience behind the cameras began to cheer and the older man continued.

“At the end of the show, the special guest, or perhaps I should say guests, have a special announcement to make, so be sure to stay to the end!” Again, the audience cheered and Marcus turned to face another camera.

“The guest of today started from a mere youtube clip, and today he is one of the most well-known artist to date,” Kane paused for effect, “but he isn’t well-known for opening up about himself or his life.” Kane turned once again to a third camera and his smile became bigger and bigger.

“I’m going to have the pleasure to interview this individual and get all the gossip I can get, so are you guys ready?!” He nearly shouts and the audience goes wild. “Please, give him a warm welcome. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Bellamy Blake!” Kane shouts his name, and stretches his arm toward the opening to his right.

At the que, Bellamy Blake enters the room and is greeted by cheers, whistling and applauding. By the look of his hair, it looks like he almost just got up out of bed, but it was part of the charm. He was wearing a pair of black jeans, and a white t-shirt. Nothing too fancy, but it still looked good on him.

Bellamy waved at the audience, and winked once at a camera as he walked up to Kane and shook his hand. They then turned around to go and sit on a pair of comfy looking chairs.

“So, how are you?” Kane started simple.

“I’m good, I’m really good,” Bellamy answered, laughing. “I’m sure you all have heard the news by now.”

“Yes! It was announced earlier today that you officially have sold out your last show this Friday, am I right?” Bellamy paused for effect for he gave the older man a sly grin as he slowly nodded.

“Yeah, it’s so surreal. I mean, it started out so small, and now all of our shows have been sold out. I can’t believe it myself.”

“Congratulations!” Kane gripped the younger man’s shoulder hard, before letting go again. “Normally, I usually interview the whole band, and just not one member, but a little bird told me that you have something special to announce at the end of this show. So we’re gonna tell your story first, and then bring out the rest of the delinquents if that’s okay with you?”

Bellamy nods and rubs his hand across his jaw. Suddenly he gets nervous. “Like you said earlier, I’m a very private person. You’re the first who gets to interview me to hear my story, and probably the last. So you better behave!” Bellamy jokingly threatened the older man, who began to laugh.

“Oh Mr Blake, you know I’m not a very nice person, and there’s really no turning back now.”

Bellamy sighed, but his eyes reminded happy. “I’m afraid so.” Bellamy sat up straight in his chair and gave the older man a quick nod. “I’m ready, so shoot away.

”So tell me Bellamy,“ the man who sat across him said, “how did all of this start?”

Bellamy looked at the other man, at Marcus Kane, who was a rather famous TV talk show host, much like Ellen DeGeneres. Much had happened in a few years, but he never thought that he was going to sit in a chair, in front of a live audience, talking to fucking Marcus Kane.

Bellamy laughed. He never liked that question. “Where should I start?” he jokes, earning a smile back in return. Bellamy glance up at the audience, and even looks straight in a camera. He quickly diverts his eyes back at the audience and give them a warm smile.

Kane awaits an answer. Bellamy never really told his story to anyone, even though he was rather open in social media. But that was that. No one really knew where he came from. Sure, they all knew how it all began, but nobody knew the whole story. But this was the time to tell it. Bellamy looks back at Kane.

“From the beginning,” Kane answers and give Bellamy a genuine smile.

“It’s your funeral.”

\---

Bellamy met Clarke when she was fifteen years old, being one year older than his sister, Octavia. They met at school, and Octavia was in need for someone to tutor her at math, and Clarke had shown up. First, when Octavia told him that she had gotten a tutor named Clarke, Bellamy had been furious because he honestly had thought that it was a dude. Boy was he wrong.

So shortly after that, Clarke always went home to the Blake’s after school to hang out with Octavia because they quick became friends. And where Octavia was, so was Bellamy. The siblings were almost inseparable.

Bellamy was always a little (so very much) over protective of his sister so of course he was sceptic about Clarke at first.

Clarke came from money, and the Blake’s didn’t have very much of that. They had family and love instead. Sure, it sounded bad when you said it like that, but it was the truth. So Bellamy never understood why Clarke chose to hang out at their place all the time, when she probably had a castle back at home. He never questioned it though, because his sister was happy and who were he to destroy her happiness?

So of course Bellamy befriended Clarke. It was a bit rocky at first, but they soon warmed up to each other.

Clarke was a happy child, always with a smile on her lips and she was always laughing. It was nice, seeing Clarke happy and how it affected his sister.

They all started to grow older, and soon Bellamy hit 22. Clarke was like a part of the family now, and yet, Bellamy had never been to her house. Not even to pick up Octavia. They were always staying at their place and he always found that odd, but yet again, he never asked.

Then one day, their mother died. Bellamy’s father died when he was a year old, and Octavia’s father left as soon as he found out their mother, Aurora, was pregnant.

It was a drunk driver who had hit her when she was heading home from work.

Bellamy had always been fond of his sister, but that didn’t mean he stayed at home all the time to be with her. He was an angry teenager who drank a lot, got into fights and slept around. But he had always time for his sister. So when Aurora died, it came as a shock.

Bellamy was devastated, he loved his mother with all of his heart, and now she was just… Gone. So he had to grow up fast. He quit drinking all together, he stopped hanging out with the friends he used to because they were all a bad influence.

He got a job to look after himself and his sister. Because that’s what he had to do first if he wanted custody of her, and he’ll be damned if he left her into foster care. No, he would never do that. So it was up to him to get his act together if he still wanted to have his sister in his life.

Octavia still went into foster care, but it was only briefly, for about five months or so. But he did everything in his power to get the custody of her.

And he did.

Bellamy never really had time to grieve his mother’s death. Octavia didn’t leave her room for two weeks after it happened. Bellamy tried to get her out of there, but he didn’t succeed. He just didn’t know what to do.

Then along came Clarke Griffin, riding on her white horse in white, shining armour.

With a light knock on the door, he went to open it, expecting another person to give their condolences, but no, it was the tiny, happy girl with blue eyes and blonde hair. But instead of the happy smile that were usually plastered on her face, it was a sad one.

“Let me talk to her,” those were the only words she spoke to him before she walked past him, and in to Octavia’s room. He just stared at the closed door, not sure what he should do. Should he go after her, or just let them be?

He decided to let them be.

They were in Octavia’s room a few hours, and Bellamy had started cooking dinner, and before that he sat on the couch, reading. He couldn’t go to college, not when he had to provide both for him and his sister while having a house to pay for and mouths to feed. But he still read, because someday, when he had put Octavia through collage, he was going to attend.

So he was in the kitchen, cooking up some lasagne when he heard the small voice behind him which also almost made him jump out of his skin.

“Are you doing it like mom used to?” Octavia stood behind him, eyes red from probably crying all day long.

He stopped doing whatever he was doing and rushed up to her and threw his arms around her and she did the same thing to him.

“Of course I am,” he said quietly, “but I can’t promise it’s going to be as good as hers, but I’m going to try.” He said while patting her head. She had buried her face in his shirt and her grip around his waist was almost making him lose his breath. But that was okay. He understood why.

“Stupid big brother, you always made the better lasagne of the two of you,” she mumbled into his shirt. Bellamy chuckled.

At that point he knew they were going to be okay.

\---

Bellamy didn’t tell Marcus Kane all that. He was still entitled to some privacy, but Kane were still expecting an answer.

“Me and my sister, Octavia,” he paused because the audience started to cheer. He smiled politely at them, and turned to face Kane again, “we had a rough childhood. The first years were good. It was just her, my mother and I. And Octavia’s best friend of course. We could never really get rid of her.” Marcus Kane laughed, along with everybody else. Bellamy had promised Clarke to never mention her name in social media or in anything else, so he didn’t. Bellamy continued.

“But then, as you all probably know, our mother died. Drunk driver.” He said with some strain to his voice, and it all suddenly went very quiet.

“I was a kid who did everything to piss my mother off. I drank, went to parties, stayed out all night and was almost never home. And then she died, just like that. I stepped up my game, never drank again and started to work to get custody of my sister and also to pay off the house and shit.” He said with a lighter tone.

Kane gave him a sad smile which Bellamy returned. The audience was really quiet, and if Bellamy really concentrated, he swore he could hear somebody who was crying. Dear god.

“It must’ve been really tough on you? Loosing you mom and suddenly become a parent and a brother.” Kane commented. He didn’t ask so he probably already knew Bellamy’s answer.

“I’m not gonna lie, Marcus, it was really tough the first few months after… She died. I couldn’t get Octavia so eat or speak, and I had to get a second job just to get through. I was barely at home at the time.” Bellamy took a deep breath. “Which is why,“ he continued, “I’m really glad she had her friend by her side. I don’t know what I’ve would’ve done if it weren’t for her.” The audience ‘aww’d and ‘ooh’d and Bellamy just laughed.

“She lost her dad when she was fourteen,” Bellamy continued, “so she knew what it is was like to lose a parent. She stayed in Octavia’s room for a whole night, just talking to her. I have no idea what they said to each other, but it worked. It was easier after that.” Bellamy had always been grateful for Clarke, but that was probably his number one moment.

There were other moments of course.

\---

 

The day Bellamy knew he knew that he never could repay Clarke for existing were the day of his twenty-fourth birthday. Octavia was sixteen at the time and was going through her rebellious teenager faze. It was awful.

He still loved her with all of his heart though.

Clarke had almost moved in with them. She could barely stand it at home. Her mom was at her throat all the time about school, her career and her love life. Clarke was also going through her rebellious teenager faze but only her mom saw that side of her. Bellamy was very happy about that fact. He didn’t need two rebellious teenage girls under one roof.

At the Blake’s she cleaned the place, she cooked dinner (even though she was horrible at it. She tried at least so he gave her credit for that), and she helped taking care of Octavia. At least, when Octavia was out at night or over the weekends, she had Clarke with her, and the though alone of Clarke being with Octavia calmed every nerve in his body.

He had stopped seeing Clarke as a little sister a long time ago. Right now she was just a blessing. The second best thing that have ever happened to him. But that didn’t mean that they didn’t butt head from time to time.

Like whose turn it was to do the dishes (it was always Bellamy’s), why there always were hair in the shower, whose turn it was to go grocery shopping. Like normal, family things. Bellamy always caved, Clarke always won, most likely because she was probably the only one in his life that dared standing up to him. Besides Octavia of course.

Then one week he started to notice that Clarke wasn’t in the house as often as she used to. Did he do something wrong? Did he finally step over a line or something?

He noticed it right away on the Tuesday of that week. She was always home when he got of his first job, and had almost always packed his lunch for his second job. He was used to Clarke sitting at the kitchen table when he got home, so when she wasn’t there it was sort of… weird. It felt odd.

Instead there was a note, but when he got closer, he saw that there were two of them.

The first one read ‘ _Started to pick up extra shifts at the hospital, so I’m gonna work every night this week. And probably next. And the next after that. Lunch is still in the fridge. I haven’t forgotten about how lousy you are at feeding yourself. –C_ ’ Bellamy smiled at the words. It was so typical of Clarke to worry about him. Even though Clarke wasn’t of legal age yet, she still picked up a shift or two sometimes at the hospital where her mother worked. She was only sitting at the reception, sorting papers and stuff, but still.

And the second one read ‘ _at harper’s. staying the night. see u 2morrow. love u bell. x O_ ’. Bellamy smiled. It was good for Octavia to be out and seeing other people than him and Clarke sometimes.

So here he stood, in the middle of the kitchen, listening to the wonderful sound of silence. He hadn’t been alone in the house for a long, long time, and the feeling quickly went from nice to almost dreadful. He hadn’t been alone in his house since the time he tried to get custody of his sister, and even though he hadn’t really had time to stop and think about everything that was going on in his life.

And now he could. He looked at the time and took notice that he still had about four hours until his nightshift as a night guard at the museum started. So he went upstairs to the room nobody had dared to enter in years.

He stood in front of his mothers’ room, the door still being closed after he closed it the day of his mother’s funeral. He had been so busy living his life he hadn’t had time to slow down and to think. He opened the door very slowly and he just stood in the door opening taking it all in.

It was just as he had remembered it. Only a lot more dust.

He let out a laugh, knowing his mother would been furious knowing her room was this dirty.

So he started to clean the place. It didn’t take so long, only about an hour. Then, without even thinking about it, he started to pack her things down. He found some boxes here and there and tossed all of her clothes in one of the boxes, and other, random stuff into other boxes.

The only thing he really kept were the jewellery. He knew that someday, when ready, his sister would’ve want it.

He also found his mother’s old wedding ring. He thought his mother had lost in the in the crash.

He nearly chocked up.

He sat down on his mother’s bed, taking the ring in. It was small, but it was beautiful. Someday Octavia as going to find the love of her life, and then she would wear this.

He looked around the room, finding it all empty except for five boxes that stood beside him. All of his mother’s life fit into five boxes. Five. Were there really nothing else? The thought made him angry. She meant more than five, pitiful boxes.

He threw himself backward onto the bed, and felt something hard, digging into his back.

“What the-“ He asked himself and sat up again, lifting the covers on the bed, only to expose a black notebook. It looked like it had barely been used. He picked it up in his curiosity and flipped through it. The pages were empty and it bewildered him. Why had she almost hidden a book that were empty?

He closed the book again and stared at the black leather that he was holding. Then he opened the first page again, and noticed some small letters at the bottom of the page.

‘T _o Bellamy_  
 _may your voice guide you through your troubles, but never let your voice be your reason of doubt. You have a gift, make me proud. But most important, make yourself proud._  
 _Love, mom_ ’

He reread the words over and over again and soon it was getting harder to read them because his sight were getting blurry.

Bellamy Blake was crying, and he never cried.

He quickly wiped his cheeks, placed the ring on the nightstand beside the bed and grabbed the book and headed downstairs. He didn’t even bother to close the door after him.

He grabbed the nearest pen, sat down at the kitchen table, opened the book and wrote. He wrote anything that came to mind. It didn’t even matter what it was, how it sounded, he just wrote it all out.

When he was younger, about a year before his mom passed, he wrote. He was really into it and it came to him easily. He loved it. He even showed some to his mom. It wasn’t creative writing really, and you could almost call it poetry. His mother had tears in her eyes when she had read it the first time and she had given him a long and hard hug. A memory he would never forget. He missed her so.

He didn’t even notice the time passing, and soon it was time to head to work. Only he couldn’t go. Not today. So he called in sick, said that he would be back the next day. Not in all the years he had worked there had he called in sick, so they told him not to sweat it and asked him to get better. He appreciated it.

After the call he went to grab some cigarettes. He barely smoked. Perhaps only at parties, if he ever went to one, and sometimes when he had a rough day. He always had one package laying at home, just in case, and today was one of those days.

He went out on the balcony and lit one, and took a deep breath and inhaled it all. Damn, it felt good. He stood there a long time, taking his time and looked around, thinking. It felt good to clean out his mom’s stuff, but Octavia was going to be furious. A little because he had touched their mother’s room, but most because she hadn’t been there to help him. But that was a path he had to cross when he got there. Tonight was all about him.

He went back inside, only to stop at the doorway, and he didn’t even had the time to close the goddamned door because in front of him stood a girl all in blond hair and rosy cheeks. She must’ve just gotten home, and he hadn’t heard her because he was out.

Clarke stood at the very table he had sat at minutes earlier and she was looking down at the little black book, turning a page. He slowly closed the door after him, and the sound must have drawn her out of the book because she quickly looked up at him with flustered eyes, and even rosier cheeks.

Bellamy didn’t know what to do. He had never shown his writing anybody beside his mom, and now Clarke stood there, speechless. She still had her jacket and boots on. Say something.

“Bellamy, I-“

“What are you doing Clarke?” Bellamy didn’t even give her time to finish her sentence before he cut her off. He didn’t like that she had read it, because the last one who had done that was his mom and look what had happened to her.

“You shouldn’t read other people’s stuff,” he said, not giving her any time to respond to him. “It’s not very nice.” He sounded so cold. He liked to argue with Clarke about dishes and groceries, but this, this was different. This was private. This hurt. And Bellamy Blake never showed his true feeling.

Clarke were fuming. He could see it in the way she pressed her lips together and how she lifter her weight from one foot to the other. He knew Clarke, and he knew how she ticked. She usually looked like this when she was talking to her mom, so as soon as he had spoken those words out loud, he knew he was in trouble.

“First,” she spoke quietly. She was terrifying. “You shouldn’t leave a book open if you don’t want people to read it. Secondly… Don’t leave a book out in the open if you don’t want people to read it, Blake!” He saw colour spreading across her cheeks and he knew he was at loss. He laughed.

He walked up to her, and closed the book, looking only at her. She rolled her eyes and walked to the hallway to take of her boots and jacket, and walked back to the kitchen only to make some coffee. He sat down at the same spot as before she had gotten home and started to fiddle with the book again, only to casually stroke it without even thinking about it. She didn’t even ask if he wanted to have some coffee as well. She already knew that he did.

They didn’t speak to each other the entire time the coffee were brewing. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, it was nice. He didn’t like being lonely, and even if they didn’t speak it was nice having someone in the house with him.

She poured him a cup, adding only a piece of sugar and handed it to him. He only nodded as a thank you. She sat down at the chair in front of him and took a sip of her drink. She looked down at the book and he could see that she wanted to ask about it. But she knew that the thing about Bellamy Blake was to never force him to anything. If he wanted to tell, he would.

And he did, eventually.

“I haven’t been alone in this house since mom died, and when Octavia was in foster care,” he said, staring at his fingers that were holding his coffee cup, “and even then I was so busy trying to get it all together that I didn’t have time to think. I didn’t allow myself to slow down because I had to take care of my sister. She’s my responsibility. She’s my world.” He finally looked up at the girl in front of him and was greeted with a sad smile. Her eyes were sparkling in the dim light from the kitchen and she just sat there, quietly, nodding for him to go on.

“Even now, so many years after… She died, I never slowed down. I had to put food on the table. Pay the house, taking care of Octavia. And you,” he paused, smiling at her. She laughed.

“I never needed you to take care of me, Blake,” She responded.

“I know. The princess can take care of herself, I’ve heard it many times before, Clarke. But while you are practically living under my roof, it’s my responsibility to take care of you.” He said with a straight face. Clarke reached out her hand and put it over his and gave him a light squeeze.

“When nobody was here when I came home,“ he continued, “I didn’t know what I was going to do. To feel. The house isn’t known to be quiet.” He laughed at the thought. There were always something going on around the house. It was either Octavia blasting music from her room (or the living room if she was in the mood. Bellamy was never in the mood for that) or Bellamy and Clarke were either arguing or having heated discussions about everything.

“So I did the only thing I thought was logical. I went upstairs to my mother’s room.” He felt Clarke still, because her hand was still on his. He took a deep, shaky breath and continued. He was glad that she wasn’t interrupting again, because if she did he was afraid that he would stop talking. And he had to let someone in.

“I started to pack all of her things. Everything. It’s been two years, and it was time. Octavia is going to kill me, though,” he let out a small chuckle and Clarke squeezed his hands one more time before letting go. She took another sip of her coffee and Bellamy did the same.

“When I was done, I sat down on her bed,” he didn’t mention the ring, or the part where he was crying. No, he had to have some dignity left in his body. “And I felt something hard. That’s where I found the book.” He opened it to the first page with his free hand, to his mother’s words to him and he slid it across the table for Clarke to see.

She let go of his hand, and suddenly he missed her warmth, and she took up the book with curious eyes, and Bellamy watched her closely and saw how curiosity turned to affection. Not even a hint of sadness.

“Bellamy-“ she started but Bellamy held up a hand in protest. Clarke quickly shut her mouth again.

“Before she died, I showed her some of my texts. I used to write, you know. I don’t even knew what it was that I wrote, I just held a pen and let the words flowed. She was going to give it to me on my birthday.” He said quietly.

He was quiet for a long time, and Clarke just stared at him.

“Bellamy,” she said again and this time he didn’t interrupt her. “Of what I read, it was really good. It was raw and real, and I couldn’t keep my eyes of it. That’s why I never got the chance to even take of my coat. I saw the book on the table, thinking that you must’ve left it there and I was going to close it. But as soon as I saw the first word I was hooked.” She said with a crooked smile and with warmth in her words.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, almost not hearable. Clarke sat back in her chair with a hand over her heart and with a mocking expression of chock.

“Wait, is Bellamy Blake apologizing to me? Wait, can you repeat that so that maybe I can record it?” She said, faking looking for her cell phone even though they both knew that it was in her pocket.

Bellay laughed and just like that the spell was broken.

“You’re never going to hear those words from my mouth ever again, princess,” he said smugly, taking a sip from his coffee. Clarke laughed wholeheartedly.

They sat for a while there, talking and joking, but they didn’t bring up anything about the conversation they just had. It felt nice that she knew. That someone knew about it. He was going to tell Octavia someday, he owed her that. It was probably going to happen tomorrow anyways, so he could at least enjoy the moment.

“Wait,” Clarke suddenly said, looking at her phone, probably checking the time. He did the same and it was over one at night. “Why aren’t you at work?” Bellamy pressed his lips together.

“I didn’t feel like coming to work after tonight,” he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Clarke just nodded in understanding.

“You know, everything changed when my dad died.” Clarke said out of nowhere, giving Bellamy a small chock. She never talked about her dad. “It changes you. You had to grow up fast and suddenly you somehow became both a brother and a father. It’s okay to slow down once in a while, to think about life, to think about what we’ve lost.” She said with a sad smile.

Bellamy slowly nodded at her, not knowing where she was going with this. He just sat there while she continued to talk.

“I think it’s great that you finally took that big step to clean out her stuff. It shows great maturity, Bell. And I know it isn’t easy, and if you ever want to slow down again… You know where to find me. You’re not alone in this. You have both your sister and me.” She said with a small smile.

Clarke stood up, putting her empty cup in the sink and let out a yawn.

“Well, I think I’m gonna go to sleep. Working this much takes its toll in me and it’s only been one day so far,” she said while letting out a dry laugh. “I don’t know how you do it.”

“Years and years of practice,” he teases and Clarke just shakes her head.

“Goodnight, Bellamy.” She says as she walks past him and before she enters hers and Octavia’s room, Bellamy speaks up.

“I was thinking, that when we’ve clears out mom’s room, you could have it. You practically live here anyway, and it’s not fair asking two teenage girls to share one room,” he says and Clarke stops in her steps. She slowly turns around and looks at him with big, blank eyes.

“R-Really?” She asks quietly. He nods. “Wow, thanks Bellamy. But it would probably be safe to ask Octavia about it first, as well.”

Bellay lets out a small laugh. “You’re probably right.”

“As always,” she answers proudly and turn around once more.

“One last thing Clarke,” he says while biting on his lower lip. Clarke turns around. “Don’t tell Octavia about anything about tonight. I’m gonna tell her, but for now... Just promise that you’re gonna keep this between us.”

“That’s the beauty of a secret,” she said with a grin on her face, “you know you’re supposed to keep it.” After that she went to sleep and Bellamy did the same thing, now with the book safe hidden in his drawer beside his bed.

Octavia found out about Bellamy cleaning out their mother’s room the next day, because really nothing ever got past her, and she threw the biggest fit Bellamy had ever witnessed. He was happy it was just him and his sister home that night. She locked herself up in her room, and Bellamy stood outside an hour straight, trying to explain and begging for her to come out.

It was when he told her about their mother’s ring, and the black note book that Octavia went quiet. She opened the door carefully and looked up at him with red eyes. Her cheeks were still wet from tears and he took her hand and pulled her towards her, much like the day so many years ago, and hugged her.

He showed her the ring, and the words her mom had written to him. He even let Octavia read what he had written, and much like their mother, Octavia cried at the words.

“It’s beautiful, Bell,” she whispered.

He knew that they were going to be okay.

Clarke found them when she got home from work later that night, curled up together in the couch. Octavia was sleeping, leaning on his shoulder, and Bellamy was writing. Clarke later took Bellamy’s place, as he had to get to work and he kissed them both on top of their heads.

He was thankful for his two girls.

 

It was Bellamy’s birthday a few weeks later after the incident with the book, and honestly, Bellamy hadn’t even noticed it was his birthday if it weren’t for Octavia and Clarke.

He took up extra shifts at the museum in time for Christmas, and he was barely home. When he was home, Octavia was usually staying over at some of her friends’ houses because Clarke was also working. So he rarely met the two girls.

He never knew what to do with the time between work, so he usually sat watching TV, listening to music, or he wrote. It felt nice to write again, and especially now that Octavia also knew about it.

The siblings had cleaned out the rest of the stuff from theirs mom’s room, so now Clarke was staying in there. They had moved Clarke’s bed from Octavia’s room, because they all felt that it would be weird it Clarke slept in their mom’s old bed. But the rest of the furniture stayed.

Clarke was also staying at her mom’s place more than she used too. That, and her working, he barely saw her. It felt weird not having her around as much as he used to, mostly because he got used to having someone there. To have her there.

When Bellamy asked her on why she now, all of a sudden, was living at her mom’s place as well, she only shrugged, saying “It’s almost Christmas, and I miss my mom. It’s just weird for me not to be spending more time at home, actually trying to make it feel like a home.” Bellamy thought that was an acceptable answer.

So giving all that a thought, he was very surprised to find Clarke at his and Octavia’s place the day he turned twenty-four.

He walked through the door, tossing his bag at the floor by the shoes, and removed his jacket and shoes in one go. It had begun to snow outside so he still had tiny, white snowflakes in his hair.

He walked over to the kitchen to make himself some coffee, but he saw that someone already had done that. He just stared at the pot. Then he turned around to look at the living room, and saw a blonde and a brunette head sticking up from the couch. Huh.

He walked over to the couch only to see Clarke and Octavia all cuddled up on each other, sleeping. At the table in front of them was a cake with twenty-four, unlit candles and he was a card next to it. The gesture made his eyes tear up, but he blinked that away, and he cleared his throat. Loudly.

The girls both stirred and sat right up, looking back at him with big eyes, and he just gave them a wicked grin.

“It’s school tomorrow,” was all he said to the pair, but they just grinned in return.

“We know, stupid, but we couldn’t just go to sleep knowing that we missed your birthday,” Octavia said, standing up in the couch and hugged her big brother. Bellamy returned the hug while he chuckled lightly.

“You’re both idiots,” he mumbled, but he would never really forget this moment.

“We baked you a cake,” Clarke said happily and Octavia let go of her brother only to sit down in the couch again.

“I really hope it’s not you who made it, princess, because then it would pretty much be uneatable,” Bellamy joked, and got a tongue struck out at him from Clarke. He did the same in return.

“Actually, I made the cake while Clarke wrapped your present,” Octavia said, and Bellamy squinted his eyes at the two of them. They were all quiet for about three seconds before Bellamy spoke.

“Present?” Octavia went all giddy and clapped her hands together while Clarke just stared at her with one eyebrow raised.

“I’ll go find a match to light all these candles up, Bell, you follow Clarke to get your present,” Octavia jumped out of the couch and ran into the kitchen.

Clarke grabbed Bellamy’s hand, and they both headed to Bellamy’s room, which was next to the living room. It was nothing fancy, really. A bed, a desk, a closet and clothes lying all around on the floor. And a guitar.

Bellamy stopped dead in the door opening when he laid his eyes on it and his mouth was forming a small ‘o’. It was an all-black guitar, nothing fancy, but it was a _fucking_ _guitar_. He looked over at Clarke, who stood next to it and was biting her lip. God he could kiss her. _Wait, what?_

“Do you like it?” she asked in a quiet voice.

“Clarke I… How did you guys even afford this?” He asked, bewildered.

“You know all the extra shifts I’ve been working at the hospital?” She asked. Bellamy nodded. “That’s how.” She said, and sat down on his bed.

“Clarke-“ Bellamy began before she interrupted him.

“Stop, it’s my money and it’s my choice on what I spend it on. Besides, I didn’t burn up all of my money on it. Octavia and I got into the subject of your writing, and we all know how you sound in the shower… So we came up with the idea of buying you a guitar so that you can get a hobby,” She said with a shrug and Bellamy didn’t know what to do or say. He couldn’t believe she had bought him a guitar.

“Okay no more listening to me while I sing in the shower, okay?” He laughed.

“Only if you promise to sing outside of the shower, Blake.” She gave him a warm smile and Bellamy walked over to her and ruffled her hair. She gave out a small shriek and he laughed at the sound.

He put an arm around her shoulders and gave her a light squeeze. “Thank you, Clarke.” He whispered and she leaned onto him, her head on his shoulder. He saw a small blush creeping up on her neck.

“It was nothing really, Bellamy. You have done so much for both me and Octavia, you deserve some happiness,” she said, and looked up at him again. Her blue eyes were warm and glowing, and Bellamy was happy.

He kissed her gently on the top of her head and moved over to the guitar, gently picking it up, holding it like it was made of glass. Clarke scooted over so that Bellamy could sit down next to her, which he did, and he started to play random accords. It didn’t sound good at all.

“Oh god, Bell, please get better or else I might regretting getting you that thing,” Clarke said, laughing.

“Don’t worry, princess. Someday I’m gonna stand on a stage in front of a thousand people, then I’m going to remind you of this moment right here, and shove it so hard in your face,” he says with a smirk and Clarke just rolls her eyes.

“Pinkie promise?” she says, holing out her pinkie at him.

He shakes it with his own finger and they both laugh, only to get interrupted by Octavia’s screaming.

“Hey, stop sucking face you two and come out here so I can eat the damn cake and go to sleep!” They both look at each other again, and there’s a few solid seconds where it’s dead quiet in the house. Then they both start to laugh again. Bellamy is the first to stand up, and he puts the guitar gently down on his bed again.

They walk out of his room without saying anything to the other, and they both sit down on the couch again, one of each side of the younger sibling. She has already lit up the candles, and the sight of twenty-six candles burning at the same time is glorious.

The girls sings ‘Happy Birthday’ and Bellamy manages to blow every single candle in one blow, and the girls applaud. He nods his head in thanks, the proceeds to cut up three pieces of cake, which they all down in a minute or two. Octavia’s a great baker.

“So I have one final gift for you, big brother,” Octavia says as she downs her second piece.

“I though the cake was my present?” Bellamy asks in confusion while Octavia just shakes her head.

“It was the first one, yes, but how lame is it to give away a cake for a gift? Naah, this one’s better,” she said while handling him an envelope.

He opens it fast, and is greeted by only a blank piece of paper. He looks up at her in confusion and she rolls her eyes at him. “Turn it over, stupid,” is all she says, and he does.

At the back of the paper he can read out a sentence, clearly written by Octavia.

_‘for my stupid, yet awesome big brother, I hereby give you five guitar lessons because nobody can become a rock star by getting taught by youtubers’_

Bellamy looks up at her with wonder in his eyes, and he just leans forward and gives her a big hug.

“I’m not even gonna ask how you could afford this, but thank you,” he says into her hair, and he looks to see Clarke smiling at them. “Come here,” he says to her and hold out an arm to her, so she could be part of the hug too.

They all hug for a while and Bellamy couldn’t recall a moment in life where he was this happy. “Thank you,” he says while letting go of them, “this has been the best day in a long time. But now, unfortunately, the fun must end. I have to get to work and you both need to get your asses of to bed so you can get some beauty sleep because you both need it. Hard.” He isn’t surprised when the two girls slaps him in unison.

He just laughs it off, says goodnight to the pair and head off to work with a smile on his lips.

\---

"So let me get this straight,” Kane said while leaning closer to Bellamy. ”You never really started to write your own music until you were twenty-four?” He asks, raising one of his eyebrows. Bellamy chuckles.

”I didn’t even start to write then,” Bellamy says. ”I just wrote whatever I felt like, and thanks to both Octavia and her friend, I could learn to play my guitar.” Bellamy shrugs. “Back then I wasn’t really planning on becoming this famous, I was just a dude who learned to live. Or rather, was forced to live.” The audience laughed and so did Kane.

“Your sister must be something else to force you to anything,” Kane commented.

“Yeah, but it wasn’t just her who forced me, the other girl did that as well.” It was the truth. At first Bellamy didn’t want to take the guitar lessons, but both of the girls had yelled at him to get a life and do it. “The lessons were pre-paid so it would’ve been a waste not to go.”

“You’ve got that right,” Kane said,” but as I understand it, you don’t play as much as you used to?” Kane asks.

Bellamy shakes his head. “Not really. Ever since I’ve got my own band-“ Bellamy pauses because the audience went wild. Both of the men in front of the cameras laughs. Bellamy continues. “- as I was saying, I should really give all the cred to the crew. Without them, I wouldn’t be sitting here today.” He says in all honesty, because it’s the truth. He may have started out on his own, but thanks to all of the guys in the band, he’s way bigger than he would’ve been. “I owe them everything.” The audience ‘aaw’s.

“As I see it, you also owe someone else a lot, am I right?” Bellamy blushes lightly as Kane’s question.

“I guess you’re talking about the video,” it wasn’t even a question, because Bellamy knew that Kane did.

“Yes! You know me so well!” Kane says and the audience claps their hands together, as they know what’s going to happen next. “Shall we show it?” Kane asks and Bellamy leans back in his chair.

“Sure, why the hell not,” he says with a smirk, and with that, a video it playing on a screen above him.

\---

On the screen above them sat Bellamy on a chair with his guitar in his hands. He had a beanie on his head, covering his mop of hair, but still there were a few locks of hair sticking out under it. There was noises in the background, almost as there were a lot of people in the room.

Bellamy was sitting on a stage in a local bar that had a karaoke night every Friday, and Octavia had dragged him there. Octavia was now eighteen, making Bellamy twenty-six. Not much had happened in two years, only that Bellamy learned to play on his guitar, and that he actually dared to sing outside of the shower. And he was pretty darn good at it if he said so himself.

His sister had signed him up for the tonight's karaoke night, and he was going to sing a song that he had written himself. He was nervous. Nervous that they wouldn't like it, or that he might screw up. But in front of him sat his sister, Clarke (both with a beer in their hands) and Nathan Miller, a guy from work who he had gotten close with. Besides from his sister, Miller was his best friend.

Clarke was putting down her beer only to take up her phone. He knew what she was going to do, because he knew Clarke.

“I swear to god, if you film this I will hunt you down. No wait, I’m going to kick you out of the house,” he said, and laughed as she rolled her eyes.

“Consider me being kicked out, because I started to film as soon as you opened your damn mouth, Blake,” she said and gave him an evil smile. Of course she knew he wouldn’t actually kick her out, but it was always nice to threaten her with it. He liked the sheer look of horror on her face for a split second before she gave him the evil eye. Worked every damn time.

“Yeah, come on Bellamy, we haven't gotten all night!” Miller shouts and all of the people in the bar agrees. Bellamy shakes his head and clear his throat. He then leans toward the microphone in front of him and he begins to speak.

“Hello, my name is Bellamy Blake, I’m not here on my own free will, you can blame these two pretty ladies in front,” he says while pointing to Octavia and Clarke, who just happen to be the loudest people in the place, “and this is a little something I wrote that I like to call ‘ _Take Me As I Am_ ’.”

The place goes somewhat quiet, and Bellamy starts to feel nervous. This song is brand new, and even Octavia hasn’t even heard it yet. It feels personal, to sing in front of people he doesn’t even know, but it feels worse to sing in front of people he does know.

“You’ve got this, Bellamy.” She doesn’t even shout, and it sounds almost as a whisper, but yet he hears Clarke anyways. He would always hear her.

He smiles into the microphone, clears his throat and begin to play on his guitar. Then he begins to sing. The whole bar is silent, and Bellamy takes this as a good sign as he continues. He doesn’t look at the crowd, because he’s afraid if he did, he wouldn’t be able to continue.

Later when he watched the video, he could hear Octavia and Clarke whisper “holy fucking shit” in unison.

\---

The video ended there, but had it continued, you would’ve hear Miller whisper ‘If you’re not going to marry that dude, I am’.

“So that was your real, live, performance, am I right?” Kane asks after the applauses died down.

Bellamy scratches his neck, suddenly overwhelmed. He knows that many people have seen the video, millions in fact, but watching it again in front of a live audience, it was different. The video had went viral overnight, and the following weeks that came after that, Bellamy had no idea a video could change one’s life. “Yeah, that was my first.”

“So after that performance, how long did it take for somebody to contact you about a contract?” Kane asked.

“About a month I think, which actually took my quite by surprise,” Bellamy said while laughing at Kane’s confused look. “The girl who taped it, put it on her personal youtube channel, and forgot to mention it to me. That, and that the video had over 3 million views.” The room went deadly quiet, this must’ve been news for them all.

“So when your agent, Indra, called, you didn’t know what it was about?” Marcus scratched his chin, waiting for Bellamy to answer. Bellamy nodded.

“You’re right. I thought she was pranking me, that maybe Miller had set me up or something. Indra wasn’t very happy about that,” Bellamy winced at the memory of the woman screaming at him over the phone.

\---

“Blake, ” Bellamy answers his ringing phone at work, expecting it to be one of his co-workers asking him about for a report or something similar. Never had he expected it to be this.

“Yes, my name is Indra, and I work in the music industry, trying to recruit new talents. I believe this is Bellamy Blake I am talking to?” Bellamy stopped whatever he was doing and looked up at his computer screen in confusion.

“I’m sorry, what are you talking about? Did Miller set you up to this?” He asked slightly amused.

“I’m afraid not, Mr Blake. This is a very serious matter. I’m calling regarding the video of you, the one that went viral for the past few weeks,” her voice sounded suddenly very stern, like she didn’t really had the time for this.

“I’m serious, if Miller did this you don’t have to keep up the act, miss,” Bellamy said, and that was his first mistake.

“Mr Blake,” she said, her voice suddenly went cold. Bellamy gulped. She sounded suddenly very scary. “I am not joking, nor did somebody put me up to this. I’m calling, trying to recruit you to Ark, which happens to be my label. But if you’re not interested-“

“No, no,” Bellamy cut her off, “I am interested. I’m just not aware of a video, the one which you’re talking about. I was just-” He suddenly went quiet, remembering Clarke who was filming him in the pub. He swore under his breath.

“ _Excuse me_?” Indra’s voice said. Shit.

“No, sorry, it was not meant for you. Of course I’m interested, I am,” Bellamy said letting out a breath he had hold for a while.

“Good. I’ll email you the details, and reschedule a call later on. Good day, Mr Blake.” Bellamy didn’t have the time to say thank you before she hung up on him. What the hell was that all about? She didn’t even have his email? _What the hell was happening_?

Later that night when he came home, Clarke was sitting at the kitchen table, doing her homework. She had attended a local collage, studying to be a doctor and all she did at the moment was to study. So when he opened the door, the only thing she did was to raise her hand in a greeting. Bellamy dropped his bag on the floor and started to take off his jacket and scarf.

“So I got an interesting phone call today,” he started, watching her back.

“Mh-hm?” was all she said. She was currently chewing on a pen, and writing on a blank piece of paper with another pen.

“Yeah, someone named Indra called, asking about a video she saw on youtube.” The pen she was chewing suddenly dropped to the table and she turned around and looked at him with big, blue eyes. Her face was also paler that it usually was.

“Shit,” was all she said.

“Mh-hm,” he responded, walking over to the table to sit across her.

“Bellamy, I’m sorry, I was going to tell you about it, but I was drowning in homework, and I kinda-“

“Forgot? Yeah, it was nice getting yelled at over the phone by a woman who thought I was making fun of her.” Clarke looked like she was going to rip her hair out.

“No I’m sorry, I gonna take down the video right now,” she said, pulling up her phone, tapping it a few times but suddenly stopped. “Holy shit, Bellamy, it has over 3 million views,” she mumbled, looking up at him with a big grin on her face.

“I know, Indra told me,” he said. He liked giving Clarke hell over this, because he rarely got to mess with her. But he was never going to make her forget this. He was going to let her suffer just a little bit longer.

“I didn’t know, Bellamy, I swear! But I’m not taking it down, not when all these people think you’re,” she paused, looking down on her phone, probably reading a comment somebody left, “ _’a total babe who I totally would bang_ ’.” She made a face and Bellamy laughed.

“Jeez, Clarke, you didn’t have to wait this long to tell me you wanted to have sex with me,” he joked, leaning back in the chair and putting his hand behind his head.

He saw how Clarke blushed and he was suddenly overwhelmed by with a feeling of warmth. He liked that look on her. But that was not the reason his heart began to flutter. No, he did want her to want him. He had always thought she was gorgeous, but never thought of her in that way.

But suddenly, he did. The thought went straight to his groin. Damnit.

“Oh shut up, Blake, I was just reading what _SuperMegaAmazingChick88_ thought of you,” she said, throwing her pen at him. He ducked, while laughing at her.

“I know, Clarke,” he said, picking up the other pen that was laying on the table. He began to twirl it between his hands, looking down at it. “I’m not mad about the video, it just took me by surprise, that’s all.” He said, suddenly the joking tone in his voice was gone. “I’m actually... I actually want to do this. She emailed me the details, and she wants to set up a meeting in New York, but she was already sure she wanted to sign me.”

“Wow Bellamy, that’s… That’s great,” she said, giving him a small smile, reaching out to take one of his hands and giving it a light squeeze. Bellamy laughed, feeling a little bit panicked. It all had happened so fast.

“I don’t know if I should do it or not,” he confessed, looking down at their hand again. Damnit, he liked the feeling of her skin on his.

“Of course you will do it, Bell!” She never called him ‘Bell’, so when she did it this time, his heart began to flutter a little bit more.

“Octavia,” was all he said, and Clarke laughed.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure she will be thrilled. And if you leave home I’ll… I’ll move in,” she said, giving him a blinding smile.

“You already live here,” he said, deadpanned.

Clarke snorted. “I do not.”

“Yeah, you kinda do,” he responded, giving her hand a light squeeze. He had forgotten that they still were holding hands, and apparently so did Clarke because she quickly looked down on their hands, and then up to him again.

“Fine,” she mumbled, “I do, but this time I can move in for real. Move all of my stuff here.”

“Uh-huh, and who’s gonna pay rent?” He said, leaning back, letting go of her hand and putting his arms across his chest.

Clarke made a face, throwing her arms up in the air, “I don’t know, my mom?”

“You’re hopeless.”

“I know, but you like it.”

“I do.”

\---

“Indra is an intimidating woman, I’ll give you that,” the older man said, “but she has her moments.”

Bellamy nodded. “She can be scary when she wants to, and she will kill me for this, but she can also be a real sweetheart. She knew about the situation that I would be leaving my younger sister alone at home when we went out on tour, or when I was in New York writing music, so she gave be a big, fat bonus.” Bellamy looked up at the audience as they ‘aww’d and he couldn’t help to laugh a bit. They didn’t know that Octavia would make it just fine alone. After all, she had Clarke with her.

“About a month after Indra called, I sort of moved to New York, it was easier that way. I could write, sing and do whatever the hell I wanted to,” Bellamy continued, “but I still went home about once a month, just to see if Octavia had it good. She did.” Bellamy smiled fondly at Kane, who returned the smile back at him.

“Right here,” Kane said as he stretched to the right of him to grab something, “I have your first social media act.”

“Oh dear god no.”

“Oh yes,” Kane said, giving Bellamy a smirk, “and I have it framed, just for you.” Kane took out a picture frame and handed it to Bellamy. Bellamy knew right away what it was.

When Bellamy started to get noticed, his sister had forced him to get stuff like Twitter and Instagram (later Snapchat as well) so that his fans could see what he was up to, and also so that he could interact with everybody, not just his friends and family.

So when he first had created a Twitter account, his sister made his first tweet for him. And right now, he was holding it in his hands, and it was also showing on the big screen above him, so that everybody could see it.

It read: ‘ _i stink and my sister is the bestes_.'

Bellamy gave out a loud, obnoxious laugh and he covered his face, blushing slightly.

“Oh god, I had no idea what I was doing, so my sister said she could help. Half a year later I looked back at my twitter feed and saw this. I pinned it, and now whenever you visit my Twitter, that tweet is the first thing you see.” Bellamy explained and Kane laughed.

“But you’re better at social media now, right?” Kane asked.

“Not as good as my sister, but I manage. I got snapchat a while ago, but I frequently use twitter and Instagram, to keep up with my fans,” Bellamy said as he pulled up his phone. “Why don’t you and I take a selfie, Kane?” He joked and Kane stretched his back.

“Sure, why not!” He laughed as he moved closer to Bellamy. He held out his phone, and took a photo of the pair. “That one looked super good!” It did not. Bellamy did a face, and Kane was stuck in a half blink. They looked like idiots. Bellamy posted it on Instagram.

“Now back to why you’re here,” Kane said after Bellamy had tucked away his phone, “your journey has been going on for the past three years, and you have almost become famous overnight.”

Bellamy nodded. “Yes, that sounds about right.”

“So when you were out touring and doing other rock star stuff,” Kane paused as Bellamy laughed of the obscure picture in his head, “no bear with me! As I was saying, when you were out touring, did you ever have time for a love life, or other normal stuff like that?” Bellamy went quiet.

“Even before I became this big, I never really had the time for anything. I was taking care of Octavia, trying to keep the roof over our head, trying to keep food in the fridge. I never really had time for a girlfriend, or even friends at the time. I worked two jobs just to pay the bills.” He was ashamed of how poor they were before, but it didn’t even bother him anymore. It made him the man he is today.

“But now that you have the time for that, there isn’t any girl in your life at all?” Kane asked, leaning in closer to Bellamy as the audience went quiet again. Dear god.

“Sure there is,” he said, raising one of his eyebrows and leaning in closer to Marcus as well, “In fact, I have two girls.” The audience gasped. Kane just rolled his eyes.

“Octavia and her friend doesn’t matter.” The audience made noise of disappointment.

“Of course they do, they’re still my girls. I still visit home frequently, I’m on tour nine out of twelve month of the year and I hang out with the crew. I still don’t have time for that.” Bellamy started to feel annoyed. He never liked when people asked if he had a special someone in his life. Of course he had that, but it was nothing he could talk about on national TV, or to anyone really. He still had some private life after all.

“But there has been girls?” Bellamy just stared at Kane. “I take that as a yes, then.” He said, moving on. But Bellamy’s thoughts went somewhere else.

\---

It was around Christmas, a year after he had signed a contract, making him an official artist, when Bellamy went home to surprise his sister. He had told her over the phone a week before that he couldn’t make it, that he had other stuff to do. Octavia had yelled at him and hung up.

So when he arrived at home, the day before Christmas, Octavia had begun to cry, but Bellamy hadn’t had the time to say anything because as soon as he had opened the door, he had yellow hair all over his face. He hadn’t had time to register who it was who had hugged him, but he knew it was Clarke. Her arms were held around his neck, giving a tight squeeze. He just stood there for about three seconds, taking her all in, before he hugged her back, hard.

“Well, there’s something I thought I’d never see,” Octavia said, earning the finger from Clarke.

“I thought you couldn't make it?” Clarke asked, slowly releasing Bellamy from her death grip.

“I have to go back in two days, buy I wanted to surprise you,” he answered, looking directly at Clarke. During the time he had been away, he had caught himself missing Clark more and more for every day. And now here she was, right in front of him, looking more beautiful than ever.

“Don’t just stand there, stupid, come in!” Octavia said, holding out her arms for Bellamy to hug. She did. Very hard.

“Is it just the two of you?” Bellamy asked, looking around the apartment. After Bellamy had moved to New York, he had bought a small apartment to Octavia, but Clarke moved in not long after that. It was small, buy it felt like home. It wasn’t as hard as he had thought it would be to move out of his mother’s old house, so the new place really felt like home even though he didn't officially live there anymore.

Both Octavia and Clarke was attending College at the moment, so in between classes and homework, they had managed to decorate and even buy a Christmas tree. It was small, but it was still pretty. Every here and there hung a mistletoe (Bellamy avoided them like the plague), there were lights everywhere, stars, hearts and other typical Christmas stuff. Bellamy was very proud over his sister.

“Uhm… Not… Not really,” Octavia said, heading back to the kitchen to continue to cook.

Bellamy just stared at her back in disbelief. “Do tell.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Octavia,”

“No, Bell,”

“Who's coming over?”

“His name is Lincoln, he’s in my art class and he and Octavia has been dating for about four months,” Clarke answered, because they all knew she never would've told her older brother anyway.

“Clarke!” Octavia shouted and Clarke put up both of her hands in defence mode as Octavia turned around with a knife in her hand.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were dating somebody?” Bellamy asked, clearly offended.

“Because you would just scare him away Bell, and I really like him!” Bellamy went quiet. Whenever Octavia had met a boy, he would always play the scary ‘I’m gonna murder you if you touch her’ big brother. He met Clarke eyes, and she gave him a short nod.

Bellamy sighed. “Fine, I’ll play nice,” he mumbled and Clarke walked passed him, patting him lightly on the shoulder.

“He would have kicked your sorry ass anyway,” Clarke said and Bellamy put out his tongue at her.

The dinner went great, Bellamy behaved like a normal human being around Lincoln, and the four of them had a very pleasant evening. Lincoln was actually nice, even though he was covered in tattoos, and the moment Bellamy saw how Lincoln looked at his sister, he knew he wouldn't kill him.

Octavia and Lincoln was going to go to a local bar to take a beer or two, and then head back to Lincoln’s place. Bellamy politely declined, his excuse being that he needed to rest but he really just wanted his sister to have fun without having her big brother hovering, and Clarke said that she had work in the morning.

So it was just Clarke and Bellamy left in the apartment, both sitting in the couch, watching a movie. Clarke was leaning on Bellamy's shoulder, snuggling to his side and he laid his arm around her shoulders. He just hoped she wouldn’t hear his heart beat faster than it normally did, but if she did, she didn’t tell.

“What do you want for Christmas?” She asked out of the blue, startling Bellamy.

“Nothing Clarke, don’t you worry about it,” he answered, and he looked down at her, confusion in his eyes as she sat up, staring at him.

“Come on, there must be something you want that I can get you?” Yes, you.

“No, I have everything that I want,” he said with a smirk. She just rolled her eyes at him.

“Everyone want something, Bellamy.”

“No listen to me Clarke,” he said, quick glancing down on her lips and then back up to her eyes again, “I am home for Christmas when I thought I would miss spending the holiday with my two favourite girls, I live the best life anyone could live, and if I wanted something, I would just buy it for myself. In my whole life, I could never just buy something out of spite because I felt like it, but I can do that now. And also, I can fully pay for Octavia attending college.” He felt his cheeks warm. He never talked about all of that, but it was just something about Clarke that made him open up. Just like when he found the little book his mom had bought him before she had died.

“Bellamy…” She said, tears in her eyes.

“No Clarke, I don’t want to hear it,” he said, turning his head to the TV, forgotten for a moment that it was on.

“You’re an amazing person,” she said, startling him yet again. He looked over at her, looked at her for a full minute before speaking. Her blue eyes were sparkling, looking at him with affection. It made his heart skip a beat.

"So are you,” he said, giving her a warm smile in return.

“No you don’t get it,” she said, shifting in her seat, “you always put your sister first, always have. Then you took me in and didn’t even bat an eye doing it. What you have accomplished Bellamy, on your own, it’s amazing.” Bellamy just stared at her, didn’t know what to say.

But he didn’t even have to, because before he knew it, her lips were on his. The kiss was quick, and he didn’t even have the time to take it in. Her eyes were closed, but he didn’t have the time to close his own, giving him the short time to study her up close. She was beautiful.

When she noticed that he didn’t respond to her kiss, he didn’t because he was too shocked that he didn’t even know what to do, her lips left his. He instantly missed the heat of her lips. Of her.

He just stared at her, unable to comprehend what had just happened. Something he had wanted to do over a year. But he knew nothing ever could happen between them

“Clarke I-“ it was Bellamy who broke the silence, but Clarke cut him off.

“Bellamy I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean for it to happen it just-“

“Clarke it’s fine I just-“

“No, it’s not. You’re Octavia’s big brother, you’re Bellamy, but I just… You’re _my_ Bellamy,” she whispered, looking down on her hands.

Bellamy gulped. He wanted to kiss her, kiss her again so bad, but she had a point. Clarke and Octavia were best friends, and he had known her since she was just a kid. But here she was, all grown up and so fucking beautiful that it hurt. Then there was the thing that he lived in New York and was going on tour in a few months.

Life suddenly became very difficult. He wanted to be with her so bad, but he couldn’t.

“Clarke, don’t worry about it. It’s just,” he said, gulping yet again. He played the only card that he had, the one card he had where he never could be with her if he played it. And he did. “Clarke, I see you as a sister.” He said, deadpanned.

“Oh I… I see.” She said, slightly moving away from him. “I’m just gonna go to bed now, forget it ever happened. Good Night,” she said standing up, walking into her room and closing the door after her. He never got the chance to respond.

He fucked up. He fucked up bad.

The morning after Octavia comes barging into the kitchen where Bellamy sits to drink his morning coffee. Clarke had left a while earlier to go to work and had barely said a word to Bellamy, and now Octavia is standing in front of him with her arms crossed over her chest and with a hard look on her face. Yep, he was screwed.

“I don’t wanna hear it O,” he says as he takes another sip of his coffee. It burns him on his tongue but he does it anyway, anything to prevent what’s going to happen.

“Oh but you’re gonna, big brother,” she says and leans towards him. She could be rather intimidating when she wanted to.

“I’m serious O, back off,” Bellamy says while he almost slams the cup to the table. Octavia takes a small step back, but her face doesn’t change.

“No, you listen to me Bellamy Blake. I’m so proud of what you have accomplished the past year, and I’m super happy for you, but you have to start thinking about yourself. I know you’re happy right now, but you could be happier,” Bellamy finally looks up to meet his sister eyes and her gaze softens as she slides to sit down in the chair in front of him, “I’ve seen the way you act around each other, and how you look at her when you think no one’s watching. Stop trying to put everybody else’s feeling first and focus on your own for a change,” she says with a small smile.

Bellamy lets out a breath he’s been holding in and leans his head in his hands. “It’s not that simple,” he says into his hands and pulls his fingers through his hair, and looks up yet again.

“What if it is?” Is all Octavia says. She stands up again and puts a comforting hand on his shoulder and he put his own hand on top of her. “Oh and by the way, I’m spending the night at Lincoln’s.” Bellamy mutters under his breath and Octavia just slaps him on the back of his head.

“I’m leaving tomorrow, and you’re staying over at his place? I thought you wanted to hang out?” He asks, trying to make her feel guilty. He knows what she really is up to.

“I do, but you have better things to do. Clarke comes home at six, and I’m gonna leave at four, so I still have time to hang out with my dorky, incredibly stupid older brother.” Bellamy just laughs and stand up next to her.

“A round of Mario Party?” He asks with a smirk.

“Oh you’re so gonna get your ass kicked!”

 

Octavia is later gloating in her victory and Bellamy just laughs, and ruffles her hair when she leaves.

He had now a couple of hours to kill until Clarke comes home, and he has honestly no idea what to do. What’s he going to say to her? What if she doesn’t want to talk to him?

He had been kind of aware that he _cared_ for Clarke for a while, and he was pretty sure that he did more than just care for her. She had been his rock for several years, and she had always been very, very supportive of him.

He remembers one of his first nights in New York, the first time he had been away from his sister over a long course of time, and he had slightly panicked. He didn’t want his sister to worry, so he had called Clarke.

She had called him an idiot, but he could hear the warmth and affection in her voice. She then proceeded to tell him about her day and she had instantly calmed him. They had later on started to bicker about Superbowl and he had forgotten all about missing home. About missing his sister. Missing Clarke.

He frequently called and texted his sister, and he and Clarke had been texting constantly. That way, he didn’t miss home that much because the two pieces of what he called home were always with him somehow.

Octavia had always teased him of caring for Clarke, for liking her, but he always brushed it off. He wasn’t ready to face his feeling straight on so he always joked it off. Octavia never pushed him about it, either.  
And yet, here he was, about to face those feeling head on. No, he wasn’t ready yet. So he procrastinated by laying down in the couch and pulled up at book and started to read. He didn’t have his glasses with him, so he had to put the book incredible close to his face if he wanted to see what it was that he was actually reading.

He must have dozed off, because he jerked away when he heard a key going into the lock on the door, and he sat up right with a quick move and looked at Clarke as she opened the door and closed again after her. The book he held before landed on the floor with a _thud_ and Clarke’s eyes jerked at the source of the sound.

“Bellamy?” She sounded insecure, not really sure what to believe. “Where’s Octavia?”

“Yeah, hi, is the clock already six?” he asked while rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “She’s staying at Lincoln’s for the night.”

“It’s almost eight. I had to work a few extra hours, somebody called in sick,” she said while throwing her bag on the floor and walked up to Bellamy in the couch, not commenting on Octavia’s whereabouts. He moved his feet away just in time before Clarke threw herself besides him, sitting down while rubbing her neck.

“Long day?” He asked with a small smile on his lips.

“You have no idea,” she said with a chuckle. Bellamy couldn’t believe how normal this felt, it was like yesterday never happened. It was also a glimpse of what could have been. Bellamy sighed. “Everything alright?” She asked him, looking slightly worried.

“Yeah, don’t worry about it,” he brushed it off with his hand and Clarke looked at him funny. “What?” He asked her.

“You’re a terrible liar, Bell,” she said with a laugh. Well, you didn’t think so yesterday, the thought.

“I have to stop letting you hang out with Octavia, you guys can read me like an open book,” he mumbled under his breath and Clarke snorted. She actually snorted.

“Yeah I know, we’re terrible. And I’m here if you want to talk, you know that right?” She asked with a slight worry in her voice. She placed a hand on his knee and he looked down at it for a second before he looked up to meet her eyes.

“I know, princess,” he said while placing his own hand on top of hers. He gave it a light squeeze and it took him back a few years when Clarke had found Bellamy’s book on the kitchen table and they had bared their hearts out to each other.

Clarke laughed and retracted her hand only to slap him on his shoulder. “Stop with the nickname already, I’m a grown ass woman!” Bellamy but his hands up in surrender. She laughed at him and stood up, walking towards the kitchen. “I’m making a sandwich, you want anything?”

_Yes, you._

“Naah, I’ve already got everything I want,” he said effortless with a big grin on his face. Clarke turned around only to flip him off.

“Okay, excuse me Mr I’m-a-huge-rock-star-and-I-have-everything-that-I-want,” she said with a darker voice, mocking his own.

“I do not sound like that!” He laughed, and Clarke grinned back at him.

“You kinda do, Mr Rock Star.” This time it was Bellamy who gave her the bird.

Clarke laughed and turned back to the kitchen, pulling out stuff to make herself a sandwich.

He took the time so take her in and he couldn’t really look away. Her golden hair was a mess of curls and she hadn’t even bothered to put it up in a messy bun like she usually did at work. She had black jeans and an oversized light blue sweater that he was pretty sure was his.

He was about to call her out on it when he suddenly felt a wave of emotions hitting him. He always wanted to see her in his clothes. Fuck. He wanted this life with her. A domestic life when they messed around, made fun of each other and christened every surface in this house.

“I fucked up,” he blurted out, and Clarke turned around, with a spoon in her mouth (he was pretty sure she was licking of the peanut butter off it, she always had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches) and a slightly confused look on her face. The look sent a feeling straight down his spine and through his entire body. It was now or never.

He stood up slowly, carefully making his way over to her. He stopped a few steps in front of here, giving her space before he continued. She still had the spoon in her mouth, and she looked like a deer caught in the headlight. If she had an idea of what this was about, she didn’t show it. Her face was like a closed book at the moment and he would give anything to know what she was thinking.

“Yesterday, Clarke, when you said those thing to me, I- I fucked up terrible,” he said, combing his hair with his fingers. He looked everywhere but in Clarke’s eyes. He didn’t dare. He continued before she could interrupt him because he needed to get this off his chest.

“When you came into my life, our life, it was like a blessing. You were like this, this other sister who didn’t put up with my shit just like Octavia, and you saved us, me, from misery so many times now that I have lost count. But the thing is, you never were my sister, Clarke. You were Octavia’s best friend who always had her back, yelled at me when I was being a dick and when our mom died… You picked up my pieces and put them together,” he was almost whispering now, and took a few, slow steps towards Clarke, who still by the way had the spoon in her mouth and had now backed all the way to the counter, startling herself. She didn’t say a word, so he took that as a sign and continued.

“Yesterday, your words took me by surprise. You know me, I never slow down, I never sit down and take the time to think about things and I just generally takes life as it comes. Octavia has always bullied me because I let you give me shit back for everything, and you know Octavia, she always sees things before either of us does. She was the one who told me to myself out of my ass, to give in to my feeling because I deserve- fuck I have never thought that I deserve everything in this world, because I already have everything that I want.

“I have always, _always_ cared about you, Clarke, because you make me a better human being. You never let me get away with things, and you are a lot like Octavia like that,” he says, and he can actually see Clarke heart break at his words. She still thinks that I see her as a sister, he things and he rubs his hand across his face, feeling flustered.

He takes one final step towards her and he now stands directly in front of her, with almost no air at all between them. He let his hands down at his sides, and looks down at his fingers, moving them slowly and playing with the hem of her shirt, his shirt.

“I could never feel like _this_ about Octavia, Clarke, because she’s my fucking sister and you’re not. This, right here, this is different,” he looks up at her and he had a sudden feeling to laugh, because that _fucking spoon_ is going to kill him. “The feeling I get when I see you coming through that door always makes my heart flutter, to know that you’re okay. When I call or text you in the middle of the night, you and not Octavia, because I want to her about _your_ day, Clarke, not hers. I love Octavia with all my heart and I never thought that I could care so much for a person that’s not her, but here I am, caring for somebody else. Not like a sister, but like something else. Something more.” He gives her a weak smile, clearing his thought a bit because that speech sucked the life out of him.

He’s still playing with the hem of her shirt and he glances down at his hand, and he notices that her one free hand (the one that’s not holding the spoon) is currently holding onto the counter so hard that her knuckles are white. It looked like it hurt.

“Clarke,” he says, looking up at her with worry in his eyes,” say someth-“

Clarke throws the spoon on the floor and laughs, “Oh shut up and kiss me you big, fucking idiot,” she laughs and darts towards him, throwing her hands around his neck and presses her mouth on his.

It takes him by surprise and he stumbles a few steps back, taking her with him. She buries one of her hands in his hair and lets the other slide down his arm and he quickly catches on, kissing her back with all the might and force he can afford.

Bellamy closes his eyes and caresses her face with his right hand, rubbing his thumb over her cheek as he lets the other wonder of to explore her body. She lets out a small moan when he moves the hand over her back and then down to cup her ass, and she understands the signal at hops up and twirl her legs around his waist. He backs them to the counter and before he puts her down on it, he lets go of her ass for a brief moment only to drag his arm across the counter to move the stuff. He doesn’t care that a lot of it ends up on the floor, he can take care of that later.

He only cares about Clarke for the moment.

He places her down and she releases her legs around him a bit, but she tugs them towards herself, making him come closer than he already is. He drags his right hand across her cheek again before he put his fingers through her hair and tugs gently, tipping her head up so that he can meet her lips better.

Clarke moans at the gesture and it makes Bellamy growl. He tips his head the other way, kisses her deeply and runs his tongue over her lower lip, asking for permission to enter. She slightly hops closer to him, presses herself on to him as she uses her legs around him to press him even closer. He swears under his breath as the feeling of his arousal presses on to her and he grabs her hair harder as his other hand starts to explore other parts of her body. He takes that as a yes and he starts to taste her mouth with his tongue.

Clarke’s hands start to wonder and she finds the hem of his shirt and starts to pull it up. He understands, breaks free from her lips, and moves back a bit as she tugs his shirt over his head, him helping her along the way. He quickly leans forward again, like a magnet drawn to her and kisses her again, using his tongue this time, not caring about asking about permission. Her hands wander all over his bare chest and it sends shivers down his spine.

She tastes like peanut butter, coffee and mint and it’s the fucking strangest combination ever and it’s the fucking best. He’s currently in the kitchen, making out with the girl he’s had a crush on which seemed like forever and she tastes like everything he ever wanted.

“Don’t you think it’s unfair that only one of us is half naked?” He asks between kisses, smiling into her lips.

Clarke breaks away for a moment to gaze into his eyes and gives him a small smirk. “Who says you can’t make that even, then?” She says while raising an eyebrow and doesn’t wait for Bellamy to take the hint, to take her shirt off. She does it herself.

Bellamy is awestruck for about half a second before he lurches towards her to capture her lips between his and his hand starts to roam across her body. Her back, stomach, arms, shoulders and across her bra. Clarke lets out a moan as his one hand pulls down one of her cups and starts to play with her nipple, and the feeling of hearing her moan does things to him.

He breaks away from her lips, only to kiss her along her jawline and down her throat and finally he nibs her earlobe and Clarke actually _giggles_.

“Damnit Clarke, you’re killing me,” he mumbles to her skin and Clarke moves her hands up to his hair and tugs which makes him moan into her ear. His hand is still playing with her breast and the other is currently at her back, pressing her closer to him (if it was possible, even), when suddenly, she starts to full out laugh, which breaks the spell.

“Oh my god Bellamy, look at the floor,” she covers her mouth with one of her hands as she begin to full out laugh. He gently moves his upper body away from her only to look down at the mess that he made. He then looks up at her again with an eyebrow raised and he leans against her and buries his head in her neck.

“We’re in a full out make out session and you start to think about how the floor looks? You really are killing me, princess,” he chuckles and Clarke’s laughter dies down a bit, but she’s still smiling.

“I did think of it, because as you were kissing my neck, I happened to look down and I couldn’t help myself. I didn’t even notice when you threw all this the floor, if I’m gonna be honest,” she said with a soft voice, and cups his face with both of her hands and brings his head up to her level.

He looked into her eyes and they didn’t speak for several minutes, just starting into each other’s eyes like one of those stupid romcoms.

“You’re really, really stupid, you know that?” Clarke said with a small laugh as she were stroking his cheek.

Bellamy leaned into her hand and closed his eyes and moved his hands to her thighs, light stroking her with his thumbs. “I know.”

“And you have really bad timing.”

“I know.”

“And you really made a mess.”

“I know.”

“And I’m not gonna help you clean this up.”

“I know, princess,” he says and opens his eyes, “but I have an idea of what we can do with it, if there’s still some jelly and peanut butter left in these jars.” Bellamy says with a smirk, and Clarke lets out a gasp.

“Oh,” is all she lets out at Bellamy laughs. He dips down to get the first jar he can get a hold on and then lift her up. She shrieks with surprise and then she laughs as he carries them both to his bedroom.

They didn’t sleep together that night, but they didn’t get much sleep either. The emptied the jar of strawberry jam (there wasn’t much left to be honest) and they explored each other’s bodies, found out what made the other person tick, and stayed up until the sun began to come up again talking. It was one of his best nights in his life.

Later they went into the kitchen and cleaned up the mess that Bellamy had made, he had found the damned spoon and had thrown it at her, and started another make out session, almost exactly the same way as before. Only this time, there wasn’t any jars on the counter to make a mess with.

It ended on the couch this time, Clarke laying on top on Bellamy only in her underwear and one of his shirts on, stroking him over his bare chest with her fingers. He played with her hair and couldn’t stop looking at her.

“We have a problem,” Clarke broke the comfortable silence and Bellamy groaned, covers his face with his arm that were playing with her hair. She hit him on the chest. “I’m serious, Bellamy, you’re leaving today.”

Bellamy removed his arm and looked at her. Her eyes were filled with worry, anger and she looked sad. He cupped her jaw and kissed her nose. “I know princess, believe me I know,” he sighed and hugged her waist with his free arm.

She moved closer to him, resting her forehead against his and they both closed their eyes.

“Why did it take us this long to finally find each other?” He whispered and his heart broke. He knew where this conversation were headed and he didn’t want to lose her once now when he finally had found her.

“You know why, Bellamy,” she whispered back and she pressed he soft lips against his. This kiss were different than before, the others before this were filled with passion and longing, kisses that made up for lost time. This one was filled with love and promises and it broke Bellamy’s heart even more.

“This, us, doesn’t have to end because we live across the country. Long distant relationships are a hip thing these days,” he said after they had broken the kiss. Clarke laughed a sad laugh. They both knew that wasn’t the problem.

“Bell, you’re on tour, you have a whole life in New York, and me? I’m studying to become a doctor, stuck here in this town, making nothing of my life. I don’t want to hold you back,” she said and she leaned back to take a look at him. She stroke his hair and moved down to stroke his cheek. He closed his eyes at her touch.

“You’re not going to hold me back,” he laughed at the ridiculousness in her reasoning.

“Don’t laugh at me Bellamy, this is serious!” She sat up at the lack of body heat made him shiver. The lack of Clarke made him feel incomplete.

She stood up and began to pace back and forth. It was quite a sight, if she hadn’t had a serious look on her face. He knew that she wasn’t kidding. “You live in New York, you make music and sing in front of thousands of people! You don’t have the time to come home every other week to come visit me and manage to spend time with your sister. I don’t want you to choose between the two of us!” She was close to tears now and Bellamy quickly stood up.

She put up her hand when he reached out his, wanted to hold her, to comfort her, but she just shook her head and ran her hands up and down her bare arms. Tears were running down her cheeks and she looked so vulnerable.

“That’s not the problem here, Clarke, and we both know it.”

Silence struck the house and the only thing that were breaking it were Clarke, sobbing. Bellamy took one trying step towards her, to test her limits and she didn’t shake her head this time so he walked over to her and hugged her. Hard. She threw her hands around his torso and buried her head in his neck and he put his hand on top of her head and the other on top of her shoulder, caressing her naked skin.

“I want you, Bellamy,” she was full out crying now and the only thing Bellamy could do was to hold her closer and kiss her on top of her head as she continued, “And yes, we could try the long distance thing, but I want more, Bell. I want to be able to wake up next to my boyfriend every morning, cook dinner with him and just being idiots where nobody know who we are, and we can’t do that while you’re in New York and I’m here. You know how I feel about being put out there on the internet, I can’t take stuff like that again, and I know I’m being selfish, but I want the whole package. I want you, Bellamy, so much, but I can’t love somebody half hearted.” And there it was. The truth that they both knew.

Before when Clarke knew the Blake siblings, and back when her dad was still alive, her mother was quite famous. Abby Griffin was the head surgeon in a hospital back in Los Angeles, and good friend with the mayor Thelonious Jaha, and was always in the centre of attention. And wherever Abby Griffin went, her daughter followed. Later when Jake Griffin had died, Clarke’s father, her mother had hid behind a mask and started to attend more and more events. So after that, Clarke had finally had enough of social media, paparazzi’s and being in the centre of attention. She didn’t even have a facebook account because she was terrified that people would find her again.

Bellamy swallowed hard and he let her cry. He let her cry until there were no more tears and his heart broke a hundred time over because he knew that they were exactly the same. He couldn’t do it either.

“I know it was stupid of me to confess my feeling to you, because I knew it would lead to this, but I’m not sorry for it. Because now you know how I feel about you,” he mumbled into her hair. “And yes, we could try to be together, but I also know that you hate being in the centre of attention, and you would attract attention because of me.” He slowly moved one of his hand up her arm, stroking her and she buried her head even further into his neck, which made him laugh. Even in complete heartbreak she still could find some way to make him laugh.

“Let’s make a deal, “ he continued and it made Clarke lift her head from her nest and looked up to him with puffy eyes and a quivering lip, trying to smile. “Let’s not make anything of this. Yes, it happened and I don’t regret a single thing. I continue to rock NYC and you continue to be a pain in my sister’s butt.“ Clarke laughed at that and he considered it as a small victory, “I continue to call you in the middle of the night when I freak the fuck out, and you are still my best friend. Maybe when we’re older and wiser we can make something of ourselves, together. You don’t have to be bound to me, you can live your own life here and don’t have to be worried what I’m gonna think if you meet a nice girl or guy to settle down with.” Clarke blinked a few times before she let out a small laugh, and her smile was genuine this time.

“Then what about you, Bellamy Blake?” Her voice was low and he puffed out some air in response.

“I’m happy if you’re happy, princess,” the answer was simple because it was the truth. No matter if she ended up with somebody else, yes it would hurt, but he could get passed that. (That was a huge lie but he could never tell her that, but she needed to hear it.)

Right then, his phone began to ring and he swore under his breath. He already knew who it was without having to look at the caller ID.

“Go and put some clothes on and I’ll go and talk to the devil,” He kissed Clarke one final time on her forehead and he moved to the kitchen table where his phone was to pick it up, didn’t bother to look back as Clarke left the room.

“Hi O, “he said with a single breath.

“You guys okay?” She asked with weary in her voice.

Bellamy sighed and rubbed a hand across his face. “Yeah, I think it is.” He answered, not completely answering her question.

“So you guys are not butt naked banging on the kitchen floor?” Bellamy let out an honest laugh. It felt nice to laugh about this with his sister, even if she had no idea what had just happened ten minutes ago.

“Don’t worry, O, it’s safe to come home.”

“Good, because I want to spend some time with my two favourite,” she paused and began to yell to someone that wasn’t Bellamy, “ – don’t worry Lincoln you’re like my third favourite – people before my stupid big brother leaves again.”

“Yeah, I’ll look forward to spend some time with you too,” he said and he leaned against the kitchen table.

“Honestly Bell,” her voice was suddenly filled with a tone of serious and Bellamy swallowed, “are you gonna be okay?” He looked over to see that Clarke had emerged from her room, now fully dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a knitted, bright yellow sweater and she had never looked more beautiful.

“Maybe not today, but someday O, someday.”

The three of them ate pancakes for breakfast together (after Bellamy had gotten dressed of course) and they both followed him to the airport to say goodbye. Clarke was silent almost the entire time of the trip to the airport and Bellamy didn’t blame her.

At the airport he hugged his sister first, and they stayed that way probably for about five minutes before they broke apart, and O had tears in her eyes.

“Next time, we’re visiting you,” she said and Bellamy ruffled her hair.

“Can’t wait. Then you can meet the band, I have a feeling that you’ll like them. They’re just like you.” Octavia cheered and kissed him on the cheek.

She leaned closer to his ear and whispered “I’ll hear everything from her later, but now, make everything all right with her because she’s moping. Behave, big brother” before she left the two of them alone.

“You okay?” he asked and Clarke gave him a beaming smile, but he could see the sadness behind it.

“Yeah, sure, it’s just had to see you leave, like always,” she said and shrugged.

“I’m gonna miss you,” he said and pulled her in to a hug.

It took her by surprise and it took her a few moment before she hugged him back. It was nice, standing like this for a while, but he had to make things right first.

“I’m gonna miss you, Clarke. And I’m serious about what I said this morning,” he added and looked down at her.

She met his eyes and gave him a quick nod. “I know, it’s just gonna be hard. But I know we’ll make it, we always will.” The statement made him smile and he kissed her on top of her hair. He really loved her hair.

“You know, when we’re old and grey and nobody knows who we are, maybe then we can start a life together. But don’t be afraid to start a life now, okay? Promise me that. You have to live.” He said, and he could feel the lump in his throat become bigger and bigger. This was it. This was goodbye for real.

“I promise,” she said and nodded. “You have to live too, you know. Get a girlfriend, win a Grammy, make a fool of yourself in the papers, do crazy shit. Don’t get tied down to one girl in a small town.” She said with a grin, and he knew that she was about to cry, because so was he. But right then, they announced that his flight were boarding and he sighed. Their timing were really terrible.

“I’ll call you guys when I land,” he said and kissed her one final time on her forehead before he left the safe heaven, also known as Clarke’s embrace, and he turned around and didn’t look back.

He knew that he couldn’t, because if he did, he would run right back to her arms and never leave. But it was okay. He had poured his heart out to the woman he loved, and she had returned the feelings. Even though he knew that they never could be together, he knew he would be fine, because he wasn’t lying – if she was happy, so was he.

\---

Bellamy liked Marcus Kane. It was easy talking to him and Kane always made Bellamy feel at ease. It was natural talking to him, even if this was the first time they had met. Well, this was probably the second time, but the 5 minutes they had greeted before the show had started didn’t really count.

So when Kane asked more personal questions, Bellamy had no hard time answering them. Even when Kane asked him about the time he had ended up in jail for a night, which everybody knew of course. He had never gone public with the official reason, of course.

“I believe you have a rather juicy story about the first time you brought home the band to meet your sister, am I right?” Kane asked with a devilish grin on his face.

Bellamy groaned and threw back his head and closed his eyes. He knew that this question was going to come up. He rubbed his face before he looked straight ahead again, straight at Kane who just sat there, grinning at him.

“That depends on what you mean with ‘juicy’,” Bellamy replied.

“For starters, from what I’ve heard you spent the night in jail for being too drunk, am I right?” The other man asked.

“You’re both right and wrong there, Kane.”

“Oh do tell,” Kane asked and clapped his hands together. The audience laughed.

“You know, for being your age, you sure doesn’t act like it,” Bellamy laughed at the older man’s enthusiasm.

“Don’t try to talk yourself out of it now, Mr Blake! The public never got the real story behind this, all we got were pictures of you leaving the police station with a rather happy sister at your side.”

“That you sure got,” Bellamy laughed again. He remembered that. His sister had come to bail him out, and gave him a full out yelling session before she had grinned at him, high fived him and then proceeded to hug him. It was one of his weirdest moments in life.

“Spill! Spill!” Kane started, and soon the audience followed.

Bellamy sighed and buried his head in one of his hands and laughed, again.

“Okay then, it started like this…”

\---

Bellamy and the band had a free weekend, and Bellamy decided as soon as he heard the news that he was going to spend his time with his sister. It was Jasper’s idea that the band could follow him. After all, they had never official met the notorious Octavia Blake.

They were currently in the studio, taking a break from recording their new album.

“Hey Bellamy, you think we could tag along? I mean, if that’s okay with you? It’s either that or me and Monty’s just gonna sit at home playing videogames in our underwear. Again,” Jasper yawned, and he turned to face Bellamy, waiting for his answer.

The band had never met his sister, but they had talked to her over skype whenever she had called him and the band members had been in the same room. It didn’t happen often, but it happened.

The band consisted of the lead singer, Bellamy Blake. It was supposed only to be him as a solo artist as first, but Indra had other plans. Bellamy was happier this way, because now he had a bigger family than before.

Then of course there was Jasper on bass, and he was like the group’s pet. And where ever Jasper was, there was Monty Green. He played the guitar like a boss. And at last – John Murphy on drums. And he was a god at playing drums, and it was not so surprising when you looked how much bottled anger that dude had in him. Murphy was also the band’s bad boy, and he was very, very passive aggressive. It worked on him for some reason because he almost got more girls than the rest of the band combined.

It was an unspoken rule that no one praised Murphy on his drum skills, because he would let it all go to his head and he would be insufferable for weeks.

One time Bellamy had let it slip that Murphy was good, and Murphy had said that if he ever started his own band, it would be called Dropship Murphy’s. Bellamy had the proceeded to throw his half full beer can at him.

Bellamy had learned this lesson fast.

“Sure, the more the merrier. Just… Let me warn them that Murphy’s tagging along? I don’t think I can take one more of his Dropship Murphy’s phase,” Jasper nodded, with horror all over his face.

“I don’t think I can handle one more of those, they’re horrifying.” Jasper shuddered. He then turned around to Monty who was tuning his guitar.

“The weekend is saved, my friend! We’re _finally_ going to meet Octavia. And Blake’s secret girlfriend,” Jasper spoke with such enthusiasm that it made Bellamy laugh.

Monty, clearly had expected the answer that Bellamy had given the little ball of energy, also known as Jasper, only gave his friend a thumbs up. Jasper pouted at the gesture and Bellamy rolled his eyes at them.

Bellamy picked up his phone and proceeded to give his sister a call, telling her the news. It only rang three times before she picked up. He put her on speaker which was a big mistake.

“To what do I owe the pleasure of having a star on the rising giving his low life sister a call?” Octavia answered and Bellamy just gave out a huff in response.

“Hello to you too, my dearest sister. Also, you’re on speaker.”

“Oh no, what have happened? You’re never this nice to me. You want money? You finally have spent it all? You know, you can’t keep on living like this, Bell, it’s not healthy,” Octavia said in a mocking tone. Jasper laughed, but when he saw the glare that Bellamy gave him, he quickly shut up again. Even if he couldn’t see the other boy, he knew that Monty was rolling his eyes.

“You know, sometimes I don’t want you to be my sister because you suck,” he replied in a warm voice. She knew that he would never give her up for anything in this world. “Perhaps me and the gang won’t come home for the weekend, then,” he said and suddenly the other end went quiet.

“And also Bell,” she said, , “if you don’t come here I will personally fly over to you myself and drag your sorry ass home.” She said with a sweet voice.

“Don’t worry, he’s overly enthusiastic to come home, so you have nothing to worry about,” Monty cut in and Octavia laughed.

“So I’m finally going to meet all of you? Like, in person?” She said, and Bellamy could see her in front of him, jumping up and down from happiness.

Octavia had quickly started to like the boys, but she was still a little sceptical about Murphy. They were all still sceptical about Murphy.

“Unfortunately, yes,” Bellamy replied.

“Hey there, big boy, it was your idea!” Jasper shouted, playing hurt and sad.

“Aw Blake, I knew you had a soft heart in there somewhere,” Murphy said, entering the room from his bathroom break.

“I hate you all,” Bellamy said and groaned in agony.

“Nope,” Octavia said, popping the ‘p’, “Bell, can I talk to you in private?” The sudden change in Octavia’s voice immediately started to worry him, and he excused himself from the boys, but her off speaker and went in to an empty room down the hall.

“I’m alone now, what’s up? Everything’s alright with you and Lincoln?”

“Yeah, yeah, we’re fine, we couldn’t be happier. But this is not about me, it’s about Clarke.”

“How’s she holding up?” Bellamy asked, already knowing the answer.

Clarke had met a guy a few month ago, shortly after their night together, and Bellamy had been happy for her, that she was happy. Even if it hurt like hell, but he knew that she would meet somebody one day or another.

But a few weeks ago Clarke had found out that the guy, _Finn_ , actually had a girlfriend. And had for a few years back. Bellamy had been this close to fly over to break his neck, but both Octavia and Clarke said that it wasn’t necessary, that Clarke already had given him a beat down. Or a really, really hard slap.

He and Clarke hadn’t talked that much during the time she had seen the guy, and Bellamy couldn’t really blame her. It hurt like hell not being able to talk to her every day like they used to, but he didn’t complain. Octavia saw right through his act, he knew it, but she never once said a word. Sometimes he really loved his little sister.

“I think she’s getting there. She misses you now more than ever, though, she never says it, but I can read her like an open book. You’re very alike, in that way,” she teased and Bellamy rolled his eyes at her.

“I’m glad. I miss her too. It’s weird not talking to her, you know? She’s been a constant factor in my life, and now these past months it’s been almost nothing. It has just been weird. And I have no idea why I’m telling you this,” he laughed and Octavia joined him.

“Hell do I know, but I’ll take this over hearing about your sex life from my friends, who gets it from the tabloids, any day,” Bellamy laughs over the weirdness of this conversation.

“Sorry, occupational hazard,” he jokes and he can hear how Octavia gags.

“It’s always going to be her, isn’t it?” Suddenly Octavia is serious and the question takes him by surprise. He’s surprised of how much this girl just _knows_.

“I don’t know O,” he answers honestly, “I haven’t really thought about it.” _Lies_. “But as of right now? I guess you’re right.”

“I wish you both could just pull your heads out of your asses, but I also know Clarke. She’s never going to want to live your life, and she’s not going to ask you to give yours up. Also, I do not get it, but I know about her freakish obsessing to not be on social media, like, what is that even?” She asks and Bellamy lets out a laugh, glad that this conversation turned out this way. Not that he didn’t like when he and Octavia had one of their more serious talks, but he wasn’t really ready to face his deeply hidden feeling about Clarke all at once. At the studio of all places.

“Go tell Clarke the good news, I have to get back to the studio and finish this session, but we’ll take the first flight we can tomorrow, alright?” He chuckled at Octavia’s squeal.

“Sure thing, big brother! I’ll see you tomorrow, dork.” Bellamy just rolled his eyes.

“Love you too, O.”

“I know, who wouldn’t?” Octavia joked, “Love you to, dumbass,” she said before hanging up.

Bellamy joined the band again and they finished their session, and after a few hours, they were back at the apartment they all shared and packed their things, ready to leave as soon as they all woke up the next morning.

Before he went to bed, he took up his phone to check that all the flight information was correct, only to see that he had gotten a text from Clarke two hours ago.

 **princess 9:38pm**  
_Heard the good news, don’t think I’ve ever heard O squeal that loud before. It’s going to be great to see you, and the notorious boys, ofc._

His heard skipped a beat as he quickly wrote a reply.

 **bellamy blake 11:42pm**  
_can’t wait to meet you both, it’s been too long. Also, be aware of murphy._

A reply quick came.

 **princess 11:44pm**  
_lol I’ve heard the stories. Promise that I’m going to watch out. And, Bellamy?_

 **bellamy blake 11:45pm**  
_yeah?_

 **princess 11:58pm**  
_I really meant it, it’s going to be really great to see you again. I’ve really missed you._

Bellamy just stared at her latest text and his hears was in a frenzy. He knew that it was stupid, but her words made him smile bigger that he had done in a while. He had a feeling that the weekend was going to be one of his best yet.

 **bellamy blake 00:03am**  
_i’ve missed you too, princess. but I’ll see you tomorrow_

 **princess 00:04am**  
_Can’t wait._

 

They arrived at the airport around 10 in the afternoon, and was greeted by Octavia, holding up a big sign that read ‘ _Dork Blake, Puppy Jordan, The sane one Green, Dropship Murphy_ ’ (Bellamy was sure that Jasper had snapped a pic of the sign), and Bellamy wanted to run the other direction. People were looking at her like she was nuts, but as usual, she didn’t care. She soon dropped the sign and ran up to him and gave him a hard hug that almost made him lose his breath.

“I’ve missed you, big brother,” she whispered in his ear and Bellamy felt the urge to cry. Even though he loved what he did for a living, being away from his sister was hard.

“I’ve missed you too, O,” he whispered back and she pulled away from him, wearing the biggest grin on her face.

“I know someone else who has missed you,” she said with a wink, and proceeded to greet the other guys.

Bellamy just rolled his eyes, and watch the scene as it laid out before him.

Jasper was dumbstruck, and actually gaped at her while they shook hands. Monty slapped the back of his head, making Jasper snap out of it, and Monty was next to shake her hand. Bellamy could already see that they all would come along well. Murphy was a lot tougher too read when he and Octavia said their hellos, but at least Murphy didn’t say anything inappropriate.

Even if he did, Bellamy knew that Octavia had kicked his ass.

In the car over to the apartment, Octavia as driving. And Jasper had somehow ended up in the front seat, constantly changing radio station trying to found some decent music. Bellamy already knew what Jasper was up to, but little did he know, Octavia already had a boyfriend. But nobody of the guys knew that.

Murphy was sitting in the seat behind Jasper and had his headphones on, listening to his own music. Bellamy didn’t blame him

“Where do you have the mysterious blonde?” Jasper asked Octavia, and Bellamy’s heard skipped a beat when he realised he was talking about Clarke.

“She had to work at the hospital, she got a call last night that she had to cover somebody because they were sick,” Octavia said with a slight sad tone in her voice. That explained why she was texting him at in the middle of the night, Bellamy thought. “But,” she continued, meeting Bellamy’s eyes in the rear-view mirror, “she’s joining us tonight for drinks.”

“Drinks?” Bellamy and Jasper asked in unison, and they both laughed.

“I think we can agree on that we all need alcohol tonight. Besides, Lincoln’s working at the bar so drinks are half the price for me,” she said with a smug smile and Jasper looked like somebody had run over him.

Bellamy leaned towards Jasper and poked him on the shoulder, getting his attention. “Lincoln is O’s boyfriend,” he said and Jasper groaned in agony. Octavia laughed, and Jasper proceeded to pull out a twenty from his pocket and gave it to Monty.

“Told you there was no way she was single,” Monty said and Bellamy closed his eyes and shook his head. The pair was going to be his death someday.

“Also guys, before I forget it,” Octavia said, now with some seriousness in her voice, “Clarke does not like it when we put her name or her face on social media, so if you decide to tweet any pictures, make sure she’s not on them, okay?”

Jasper, who had quickly recovered from his heartbreak, saluted her, and said “Yes ma’am!”

Monty gave her a thumbs up, and Murphy had fallen asleep with his head on the window.

 

When they arrived at the apartment, Octavia grabbed the boys because she wanted to play a tournament of Mario Party, and Bellamy texted Miller to invite him over, and later to tag along for drinks. His reply came in two minutes later, that he couldn’t come right now because he was at work, but that we definitely would come by later at the bar.

Bellamy joined the gang by the couch, only first after Octavia had yelled at him to bring them all beer. Jasper had challenged Octavia, and lost heavily.

Bellamy had snapped a picture of the scene (and Jasper’s sad, sad eyes) and posted it on twitter with the caption _‘Home is where the heart is_ ’. He later had heard that it was ‘gay’ from Murphy, and very, very sappy from Jasper. Still, Jasper was the first one to like and retweet the damn thing.

They all played for about three hours, and Octavia had come out victorious five out of seven times, the other two times Monty had won. Bellamy probably had about three beers, so he barely felt anything, but almost everybody else was getting more and more drunk as the day proceeded.

He hardly ever drank anything, because it would just remind him of his childhood and bad memories where alcohol came from, but he could handle a couple of beers.

It was around seven when they decided they would go down town to the bar where Lincoln worked. While the guys were changing clothes, Bellamy helped Octavia cleaning the place and putting the empty beer bottles at the counter. Bellamy had to look away because he could never look at it the same.

“Two things,” his sister stated out of nowhere, and Bellamy almost dropped the bottle he was holding, “I texted Raven before, and she’s joining us. She needs this as much as Clarke does.”

“Who’s Raven?” He asked in confusion.

“You know the guy who ripped Clarke’s heart out and stomped on it?”

Bellamy clenches his jaw and slowly nodded.

“Finn was seeing Raven, had been seeing her for about five years, when he met Clarke.” She said quietly and the pieces slowly were put together. Bellamy shook his head in confusion.

“How does that even-“

“Happen?” Octavia cut in. “Long story. I won’t give you the details, that’s up to Clarke, but after Raven had caught the cheating piece of shit, she sought Clarke up at the hospital and said that she didn’t blame her.”

“And- and they became friends after that?” Bellamy asked, still not understanding.

“Not at first. It was _very_ awkward at first. But then one night, Raven showed up at our doorstep, holding tequila and lemons, and we have been hanging out a lot since then,” Octavia took the last beer bottle from the table at the living room, and took it to put it down to the rest. She didn’t even look up at Bellamy and he found that very, very weird.

“Okay,” he said slowly, unsure what to say, “I guess that’s a good thing?”

Octavia let out a laugh, and smiles at her big brother. “It is. You’ll love her. She has a worse foul mouth than you do.”

Bellamy paused. “Why are you telling me this, O?” He knew that Octavia had something else in mind when she told him this.

“She’s your type, Bell,” she sighed,” just don’t hit on her, okay?”

Bellamy laughed at the absurdity of what she was saying, but quickly stopped when he realised she was being serious. “I wasn’t planning on hitting on anyone, really. Again O, why are you telling me this?”

Octavia looked up at him big, brown eyes and suddenly he felt very small. “I don’t think Clarke could handle something like that.”

Bellamy was just about to answer her, but the three boys decided that they were done just then, and came out of the room they had been in and shouted at the pair that it was time to leave. Octavia walked past him, and it took Bellamy a good three seconds where he had to catch his breath before he followed them.

 

The pub was packed, but somehow Miller had gotten there before them and snatched a table, or rather, a corner of the bar, and it felt like a weight had been lifted off of Bellamy’s chest when he saw his old, best friend.

They hugged, ruffled each other’s hairs and behaved very manly (according to Octavia). The rest of the boys greeted Nathan, and they all started to talk, and instantly clicked. Bellamy also noticed how Miller kept looking over at Monty all the time, and Bellamy smiled into his newly ordered beer.

Octavia was at the bar, talking to Lincoln, and Bellamy held up his bottle towards him to say hello, and Lincoln just nodded at him.

Bellamy loved being back in his home town. And he loved the life back in New York, and seeing those two things combined – nothing could be compared to the joy he felt. He looked around at his friends, and saw how they were all in a deep discussion about a new movie that had come out (Bellamy had no idea what the movie was, all he heard was that there where hot guys in spandex, and that nobody could play ‘it’ better that Robert Downey Jr), and he just felt pure bliss.

Bellamy tried to join in, but Murphy slapped his arm. “Dude, you do not get to join in if you’re going to try to change the subject to the latest documentary about the Library of Alexandria. Just sit back and enjoy while we discuss Captain America’s ass.”

Bellamy held up his hands in defence and Jasper slammed his hand into the table. “Dude, no! There’s just not enough shots of his ass on camera, that’s all I’m saying!”

“I’m pretty sure there is, and when it comes from me, a gay guy, I’m pretty sure I’m right,” Monty interjected, and suddenly Miller choked on his beer. Bellamy laughed, and patted him on the back.

“I hate you,” Miller said as he had caught his breath.

“Nah, I know you love me, all homo,” Bellamy said, grinning like an idiot at his best friend, and he got slapped again, but this time it was on the back of his head. He knew that none of his friends could reach that far, so he turned around, ready to yell at whoever had done that, and was met by Clarke. And another woman who was standing next to her who must have been Raven.

“Bellamy Blake,” she breathed effortlessly, “behave.” He was met by the warmest of smiles and all he could do was to melt. She then proceeded to greet the other guys, and it gave him time to really take her in.

Her hair was a bit longer, and it was hanging loosely down on her shoulders, and it was as golden as it ever had been. He glanced down and saw that she was wearing a tight, black dress that hugged her curves in all the right places and that made her legs look so fucking long. He felt his mouth water and he shifted uncomfortably, feeling the change in his body.

He looked up again, and met the brunette’s eyes, and she gave him a challenging smirk. She had seen him checking Clarke out. If he had been completely sober, he had blushed by getting caught. All he did now was to laugh, because what the hell was he supposed to do.

“Cute,” she greeted, and he already knew that she would fit right in. “You’re Octavia’s big brother, right? Bellamy?” She said, and took a step and was now standing next to him instead of behind him.

She was wearing green pants, and a simple black t-shirt with a red jacked on top and had her hair in a ponytail. She was gorgeous and definitely his type. If his heart hadn’t already been taken.

“Raven?” He asked, and put out his hand to shake hers.

“Damn straight,” she said, winked at him, and then walked over to the bar where Octavia was already hugging Clarke.

“Okay okay okay okay,” Jasper rambled, “who the hell were _that_?” he whispered, and leaned over the table to get closer to Bellamy, who was sitting across the table from him.

“The blonde one’s Clarke, and the brunette’s Raven,” he said and took a swig at his beer. His eyes darted towards the girls at the bar again, and saw that now when they all had drinks in their hands, they were walking towards the guys.

Bellamy scooted over where he was sitting in the small couch so that they all could fit when they arrived. He had almost expected that Raven would take the seat next to him, but she met his eyes, winked at him and sat next to Jasper instead who was sitting at the other end and Bellamy just snorted. Damn, he liked her.

But no, instead it was Clarke who sat next to him, and Octavia sat next to Raven like she was also in on her plan. He was going to kill them both.

Bellamy tried to slightly turn away from the girl beside him only to join the group’s conversation, but miserably failed when she began to talk to him.

“Fancy seeing you here,” she said while she took a sip of her very bright pink drink. Bellamy turned to her and smiled.

“Figured it was time to introduce the guys to you, so you know, they can get your approval,” he joked and earned a small laugh in return.

“Don’t worry, your friends are my friends,” Clarke said.

“You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.”

“Don’t think I can handle it, Blake?” She said with a challenging grin, and took yet again a sip of her drink.

“It’s not you who I’m worried about,” he said and she laughed at that. “I’m pretty sure Jasper already has called dibs on you.”

“Oh don’t worry,” she said, downing the rest of her drink, which made Bellamy raise an eyebrow at her, “I’ve got my eyes on somebody else.” And with that, she got up and walked towards the bar again. Bellamy opened his mouth in confusion only to close it again. _Did she just imply what he think she did?_

He met Octavia’s eyes across the table and she looked as confused as he felt. She probably had heard the same thing as he did. Octavia nodded her head towards Clarke, signalling Bellamy to walk up to her to talk. He clenched his jaws together and downed the rest of his beer, drinking some liquid courage.

The table actually went quiet when he stood up, but Octavia sat back in her chair and snickered. He walked past her and rolled his eyes at her, but was greeted by a ‘go and get it, big brother!’.

For once in his life, he was going to do the one thing he always wanted to do, and he was going to do it for his own sake. He wasn’t even near being drunk, but the beer he just had downed probably gave him the courage he had been missing for the past months.

He didn’t really care about the press, the tabloids and what people in general said about him and who he dated. And deep down Bellamy knew that Clarke thought the same. She was as terrified as he was.

But he wanted her, hell, he perhaps loved her even. And gaining from what she just said, it probably wasn’t one-sided.

It felt like the whole world slowed down and suddenly everything moved in slow motion. He could clearly see Clarke’s back as she was facing away from him. She was leaning on the bar, her head looking to her left, and she was looking really happy. The sight made his heart flutter.

He couldn’t really see what, or who, made her laugh, because there was a rather large man in front of him blocking his view. Bellamy walked past the man, and was greeted by a sight that made him stop in his tracks, and with a mouth open in chock.

Clarke was standing next to a beautiful brunette, and had currently her hand on the other girl’s arm as she was laughing loud at something the other had said. It looked comfortable. And affectionate. Like they had known each other for a long time and perhaps even were dating.

So Clarke hadn’t thought of him when she said those wonderful words, she had thought of the girl in front of her and it completely broke his heart in a million pieces.

The world stopped moving again, and suddenly the voices grew too loud, the laughter too loud and everything was moving twice the speed than normal. He had to force himself to take several deep breaths just to feel like he wasn’t going to pass out as the realization hit him hard as a brick wall. _Clarke was going to move on and start a life on her own. Without him._

It didn’t make sense to him to be thinking like that, because all in life he wanted for Clarke was to be happy, and clearly she was. Somewhere, deep down, he had hoped for that she would be happy together with him.

All of a sudden, Clarke turned around, suddenly noticing Bellamy standing there like a fool. But he quickly recovered and gave her a smile. She was beaming at him, wiping away a tear of laughter from the corner of her eye.

“Bellamy!” She greeted with the biggest smile he had ever seen on her lips. “This is Lexa, she was just telling me about a client of hers. She’s a lawyer.” It almost sounded like Clarke was trying to explain her actions, and while Clarke talked, Lexa gave him a smile, almost predatorily, which made Bellamy slightly clench his jaws. But he wasn’t going to behave like he was five years old. No, if this was what Clarke wanted, he wasn’t going to stand in her way. So he gave the other woman a quick nod in, which almost made the pair relax for some reason.

“Nice to meet you,” he said to the Lexa who smile back at him. He then turned to Clarke. “I’m gonna order a beer, you want anything?” He asked the blonde.

Clarke shook her head. “No that’s okay, Lexa actually just ordered a pair of drinks for the both of us. But thank you anyway, Bellamy.” She said and gave him a small smile.

Bellamy always knew when he wasn’t wanted, so he smiled back at her. “I’m not going to disturb you any longer.” He said with a small laugh that was slowly killing his soul. “Nice to meet you, Lexa,” he said, and before any of the girls could answer him, he turned away and walked up the other end of the bar, as far as he could get away from them.

Lincoln walked up to him, probably had seen and heard what just had happened, and looked at the man with a worried look plastered on his face. “You okay, man?” The tattooed man asked.

“Peachy,” Bellamy answered while swallowing hard. This night was going to end disastrous. “Three shots of vodka, please.”

“You sure?” Lincoln was well aware of Bellamy’s thoughts about drinking hard liquor, and his concern was flattering. But he didn’t need that right now. Right now he needed something stronger than beer.

“Just poor me that damn drinks, Lincoln.” Bellamy spat out and the and the other man said nothing and proceeded to pour Bellamy three shots of clear liquid as Bellamy payed.

Bellamy took a quick look at the three shot glasses in front of him, and before he could regret anything, he downed them all one after one.

It burned his throat going down, but he knew it would feel better after a while. He also knew that he was going to regret this in the morning, but right now he didn’t give a single damn.

“What the hell do you think that you’re doing?” A voice behind him made him sigh and close his eyes, because of course Octavia had seen it all.

“Stay out of it, O,” He warned and looked over at Lincoln again who looked a little guilty. Probably because he was the one who had signalled her over. “One beer,” he ordered, and it made Lincoln ease of a bit.

“The hell I will!” She was almost shouting now and it pained him hearing her voice sounding so hurt. “You haven’t touched stuff like that in years Bell, what the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“I know you saw it,” he said and suddenly he felt very small.

“Yes, but I also know the whole story. Do you?” She asked and finally Bellamy turned around to face his sister. Behind him he could see the gang looking over at them, but as soon as their eyes met his, they all looked away and started to talk to each other again.

“I didn’t need to hear anything. I saw it perfectly fine with my own eyes.” He felt his old anger building up in him again and he knew that it was the work of the vodka. Damnit, he really shouldn’t have drunk that. He swore under his breath.

“Why do you torture yourself so bad, when you could’ve had your happiness months ago? Hell, even years ago?” She asked, and looked like she was about to cry. She didn’t of course because he knew that she was the strongest of the pair. “You love her, Bell.”

Bellamy had to look away because it suddenly became too much. He had walked up to Clarke, hoping to perhaps start something, or even to try and start something. Then it all had crashed and burned and he was so tired of it. Tired of it all.

“Please stop,” he whispered and he heard how his voice cracked.

“Bell-“

“I said stop, O!” He shouted at her, and heard how the people closest to them became quiet. In the corner of his eye he saw how Clarke turned her head towards them and he swore internally. Fuck. “Stay out of it,” he said as he walked past her and towards the exit.

“Don’t close yourself of again like you did when mom died,” she could have whispered it or she could have shouted it in his ear, it didn’t matter, because he would’ve heard it anyway.

Her words made him stop, and a part of him wanted to turn around to face her yet again, but he didn’t, so he continued to walk and suddenly he was outside of the bar and he stopped.

He needed a cigarette.

He saw a couple of guys smoking and asked if he could get one, and thank god, they actually gave him one. He lit it and took a deep breath, inhaling the smoke that quickly filled up his lungs. He had made a promise to himself (and his sister and Clarke) that when his singing career started he would quit. Right now he didn’t really care about anything. He needed to get away, and that one cigarette could help him with that.

Bellamy closed his eyes as he stood there and smoked, and didn’t care who saw him. There would probably be people who took a picture of him, and maybe he would be in the tabloids tomorrow. Indra would give him shit about it, but what more could she do? Fire him? Hell no. He could do whatever the hell he wanted.

“I thought you quit.” A voice behind him made him slightly jump, but he didn’t move from his spot, or open his eyes.

“Guess I didn’t, princess,” he signed and dropped the cigarette on the ground and stomped on it to put it out and opened his eyes to see a beautiful, blond girl in front of him. Oh how his heart ached. “Why aren’t you inside?” He asked.

“I wanted to see if you’re okay. Octavia won’t tell me what’s going on.” Concern dripped form her voice and she sounded so small, yet he felt like a five year old getting yelled at by his mom.

“I’m fine, Clare, you don’t have to worry about me.” She really didn’t.

“You’re not fine. I know you, you don’t have to lie to me.”

“Like you did to me?” He knew he wasn’t making any sense to her, but he couldn’t help it. The alcohol was kicking in.

“What the _hell_ are you talking about, Bellamy?” She asked out in frustration and Bellamy huffed and rubbed a hand over his face and then through his hair.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He finally asked.

“Tell you what?” Like she didn’t know.

“About-“

“Clarke?” They were both interrupted by a voice to the right of them, and they both snapped their heads up against the source and Clarke immediately froze.

Next to them stood a guy, who much looked like a deer caught in headlights. He was about as tall as them both, and he had long, brown hair. Bellamy couldn’t really tell what he was wearing because his vision was beginning to become a bit blurry. Fuck.

“Finn? What are you doing here?” Clarke asked and suddenly it clicked.

Finn. The douche who had broken Clarke’s heart. Finn who had fucked two girls over. Bellamy clenched his fists together.

He caught Clarke looking down at Bellamy’s fists and her eyes darted up to his again, warning him.

“I saw Raven tagged you in something on Twitter-“

“Are you serious stalking me now, Finn? How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t. Want. To. Talk. To. You.” Clarke was shaking with anger, but Bellamy just felt his whole body go numb.

Clearly Clarke had went and got herself a Twitter account. Clarke who had sworn to never get something like Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook even. Anything and anywhere where she could put her name on. And now she had gotten herself Twitter without telling him.

Bellamy knew it shouldn’t hurt as much as it did, because it was a stupid thing to feel hurt about. But it still did.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Bellamy’s questioned, his voice flat, echoing the same words he had spoken mere minutes before, now meaning something completely different.

“Bellamy,” Clarke started and turned towards him again and looked at him like he was the only person in the world. Why did she do things like that to him? “I was going to tell you, I promise but I-“

“When?” He asked, interrupting her once again.

“When what?”

“When did you get it?” He asked, flaring his nostrils in anger. He crossed his arms across his chest and started her down. There was no way she was getting away with this because the biggest reason they never got together was because she didn’t want to be seen in public or online.

Clarke’s eyes started to tear up and Bellamy had to swallow hard not to take her in his arms and hug her, telling her that it didn’t matter and that it was okay. But then the hug would become a lie, a hug of broken promises and broken words.

“A couple months ago.” She stated simply, not backing down from his stare.

The statement was enough to brake him and he opened his mouth to breathe more easily because suddenly there wasn’t enough oxygen in the world to fill his lungs.

Now Clarke’s eyes wasn’t the only pair who started to tear up.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you all of a sudden decided to become public again?” he asked, stone cold.

“I- I- I don’t know,” Clarke whispered, and suddenly it became too much for her. A single tear rolled down her cheek and Bellamy hade to close his eyes and turn his head away to compose himself.

He then took a deep breath and looked at her again. “You know damn well why, you just don’t have the guts to tell me. You didn’t have it then, and you sure as hell doesn’t have it now. You’re a coward, Clarke.” It was a low blow, and he knew it.

“Hey, what the hell do you think you’re doing?” Bellamy had completely forgot about Finn standing there, so when he opened his mouth to speak, Bellamy almost lost it right there out on the pavement outside a bar. And Finn also had the audacity to sound angry, like he was defending her.

Bellamy turned to the other, long haired man and gave him a death glare. “If you know what’s best for you, you’ll stay out of this.” Bellamy’s voice grew lower and lower, but he was sure that Finn had heard the threat in his voice, and looked rather terrified for a half of a second, because he took one step backwards, back from Bellamy.

Finn must’ve realised what he was doing because a few seconds later he walked up to Bellamy and stood face to face to him, with inches between them. It almost made Bellamy laugh because Finn tried to look intimidating, but brutally failed because normally he looked like the kind of guy who would chain himself to a tree to save it from being cut down.

“Try and stop me,” Finn replied and Bellamy huffed his chest.

“Guys, just stop, please!” Clarke pleaded but none of the men listened.

“I don’t care if you’re famous singer, Mr Bellamy Blake, but I will seriously hurt you if you don’t stop and walk away from her,“ Finn threatened and Bellamy clenched his jaw to stop him from punching the pompous douche.

“You have no right to speak, the way you hurt her,” Bellamy said and started down the other, “and Raven.” He paused. “Cheater.”

Finn took half a step forward, and now their chests where bumping into each other. Damn, it was such a testosterone show. “At least I had the balls to do the thing you didn’t dare to do.” Finn whispered to Bellamy, being the only person who heard him.

Bellamy suddenly saw red. “You motherfucker,” Bellamy growled and bit his tongue, distracting himself from doing something he would regret.

“Perhaps I’m not a motherfucker,” Finn whispered back, “but at least I fucked something. Or someon-“

That was it. He could take bickering and trash talk, but Finn took it too far, and suddenly Bellamy’s fist landed on Finn’s face.

Finn fell to the ground, taking by surprise by Bellamy’s action and Bellamy soon followed, hitting him again and again. He was vaguely aware of someone behind him shouting his name, but all he could see was Finn and he just wasn’t _bloody enough for Bellamy’s taste_.

Suddenly a pair of strong arms grabbed Bellamy from behind and dragged him away from Finn’s body on the ground. “You’re dead, you hear me! Dead!” He shouted at the man on the ground and watched as the long haired person slowly stood up.

Somewhere deep down he was relieved that he hadn’t killed him.

“That’s enough, young man!” A voice he didn’t recognize was speaking behind him and Bellamy looked around. A large crowd had gathered around them, and on the street a police car had parked. Fuck.

Bellamy darted his eyes back only to see a large, bulky man in a police uniform who was holding Bellamy’s arms and he was suddenly filled with dread. Shit, he was a dead man walking because if he didn’t die in jail (he was such a drama queen), Indra would kill him.

“You’re coming with me to the station to sleep it off,” the police officer growled and Bellamy didn’t see any point in resisting so he quickly nodded once, telling the officer that he was obeying.

The officer seemed satisfied with the answer and they both walked towards the car. Bellamy turned around one last time to look after Clarke, but she was nowhere to be found.

Finn stood where he had been standing the whole time, only this time instead of looking at Bellamy with hatred in his eyes, he was smiling, with blood slowly dripping down from his nose.

When he arrived at the station, he had to give the officer his belongings, and then proceeded to be put in a cell over the night. He wasn’t allowed to call his sister, but he could do so the first thing in the morning.

He could feel the alcohol wearing off, and he couldn’t be happier. He was never going to drink again. Suddenly he was hit with a wall of tiredness and he felt exhausted. Bellamy wasn’t worried if somebody had filmed it or taken a picture and ruined his reputation. He could quit with the music tomorrow, being framed as the douche who gets violent when drunk, because he knew he wasn’t that guy. The people who he cared the most about knew that. He just hoped that he hadn’t ruined himself for good.

Bellamy didn’t know that he had fallen asleep, because suddenly it was morning and he was being woken up by somebody clearing his throat. He slowly sat up and rubbed his eyes, wishing he had a painkiller for his headache. He finally opened his eyes only to see Octavia standing by the bars.

“How are you feeling?” She asked with an unfamiliar coldness in his voice.

“Like I drank the entire bar,” he answered honestly.

“Good,” she said and crossed her arms over her chest, “do you remember what happened last night?”

“I wasn’t _that_ drunk, O,” he said with a sigh and felt tired again.

“You haven’t been drunk since mom lived, what the hell happened? You weren’t in that state when you left me at the bar.”

“No, but then I met Finn Collins.”

“I know, Clarke told me.” Bellamy’s chest tightened and he laughed a humorless laugh.

“What did she say?” He didn’t know if she had heard what Finn had said about her and he really, really hoped that she hadn’t.

“No, no, I want to hear your side of the story. But all I can say that she said that you were having a pissing contest and suddenly your fists were all over Finn’s face.” Octavia shifted her feet and didn’t take her eyes away from him. He purposely avoided hers.

“She’s not wrong,” he said through gritted teeth.

“You’re not the guy anymore who punches people for nothing, Bell. What did he say?” Bellamy smiled at her because she knew him all too well.

“I called him a motherfucker,” he started, watching her reaction closely, “then he said that he wasn’t a motherfucker per se because he fucked something or someone else.” He said with a straight face, waiting for her reaction.

Octavia groaned and carefully slammed her head against the bars. “Why do you have to be a knight in shining armour and defend everybody’s honour?” She mumbled and Bellamy chuckled, feeling very fond and proud of his sister. “Well, you’re free to go, and your band can’t wait to see you.” Octavia said, stepping aside from the bars and nodding, signalling to someone he could see.

The same police officer from last night came and unlocked the door to let Bellamy out. “And Clarke?” Bellamy asked as he stood up. They walked out of the precinct and while they walked to the car, Octavia told him what had happened after he was taken away. She couldn’t stop smiling.

“She ran inside when the fight started to find me, and when we came outside again, you were already gone. She told Finn to never talk to her again, and then Raven came out of nowhere and punched him. Again. Raven also said that you were her new best friend,” Bellamy chuckled at that, “and Clarke didn’t say so much. I think she want to talk to you in private.”

The band greeted him with cheers when they came home to the apartment, but Clarke was nowhere to be seen. He explained what had happened last night in simple words, just that the dude had pissed him off, Bellamy had had too much to drink and had decided to punch the douche. They didn’t know that it was Clarke’s ex and what Finn had said.

“I’ll buy you a drink next time we’re in town, “ Murphy said to everybody’s surprise and Bellamy felt blessed by having such good friends. Even Murphy.

Clarke never showed her face that night, and the boys flew home the next morning.

\---

That happened about two months ago, and he hadn’t spoken to Clarke since. He didn’t know why, but he guessed that he was too afraid to hear what she had to say, or if she was mad at him.

All he knew that he was terrified that he had lost her forever.

Bellamy had picked up his phone, and started several messages, but had deleted them again. But the thing that was nagging him was that Clarke hadn’t kept in touch either. And that scared him the most.

“So, let me get this straight,” Kane started, “you punched a guy, and for that you ended up in jail for the night?”

“Yes, you’re absolutely correct,” Bellamy said, not elaborating.

“Care to explain further?” Kane pressed.

“I rather not,” Bellamy laughed, and the audience did so as well. “But fine.”

It looked like was a child who just had gotten a huge lollypop from his parents.

“I was in my hometown with the band and visiting my sister and her friend, as I introduced them all to each other. We went out to a bar where my sister’s boyfriend works. A sleazy-looking guy approached a girl and said rather mean comments. Not really to her, but about her,” Bellamy paused, “to me.”

Kane gave Bellamy a confused look, meaning he didn’t really follow. “Look,” Bellamy continued, “I usually never drink more than four or five beers, but I was having a bad night so I downed a few shots. Then the dude came up to me and started to talk and I just had enough, so I hit the dude. A time or two. Or a few more times than two times. The police just happened to drive by and I was sent to jail for the night to sleep it off.”

It looked like Kane didn’t know if he was supposed to laugh or yell at him. “So… Do you regret it?” He finally asked.

“I do.” Bellamy said, but he started to think about the question again and shook his head. “Hell no, he had it coming. You don’t talk about women, or people in general, and disrespect them like that. Not even if it’s their ex, or somebody they just met.”

Bellamy knew he was a straight up guy, he always stood by his action and he was very verbal about his thoughts and feeling. So he felt like it was only fair that he was being honest about this as well.

“I’m glad that you feel that you can be honest about it, on national television as well, Bellamy,” Kane says wholeheartedly.

“Thanks,” Bellamy huffs out a small laugh, “but I promised myself that I would stay true to myself, and that’s what I’m doing.”

Kane nodded and scratched his beard. “So, back to the reason why you decided to do this interview.”

Bellamy’s heart starts to beat faster, and he swallows hard as he nods.

Kane continues. “Usually, we have the whole band here when we conduct these interviews, but this was first your decision?”

“Yes,” Bellamy says, “I’ve been thinking about it for a couple of months, and when I brought it up with the band, they all kinda agreed. Almost everybody, at least.”

That seemed to surprise Kane. “Who didn’t?”

“My sister, who else?” That makes the both men laugh.

“I can understand that.” Kane says. “And now to the news you have, so, why are you here today, Bellamy?”

Bellamy lets out a shallow breath and he knows that this is gonna hurt. “The band is taking a break. Or breaking up. Or just simply quitting.” The whole room gets quiet and Kane nods a few times, taking it in.

“May I ask you why?” The older man asks.

“I’ve been doing this for a while now, and I love it, but it’s not really what I signed up for when I started doing this. I miss sitting at karaoke nights at the local bar just jamming with my guitar. But most of all, I miss my family.” He missed being close to Octavia, hell, even Lincoln even. He missed his best friend Miller, and he missed Clarke.

He had had enough of this life, and he was set for life. It felt like it was the right time to quit.

“How did the band take this decision?” Kane asked.

“The fun thing is, they sorta saw it coming,” Bellamy said with a relieved laugh, “and they said that they all had been thinking about the same thing. They aren’t put out in the open as I am, but they said that we’re a family, and families stick together, so it was later a mutual decision.”

Kane nodded once again and it looked like was deep in thought. “And that makes the final show on Madison Square Garden this Friday your last show, am I correct?”

“At least for now,” Bellamy answered. “We might come back some day, but for now we just want to settle down.”

“Perhaps meet a girl to settle down with?” Kane asks and winks.

Bellamy snorts.

“Perhaps,” he replies, “but for now I just want my life to slow down. To sit down and actually think, and not be on the run all the time.” He thinks back to his conversation with Clarke he had all those years ago by the kitchen table and it makes him smile.

He doesn’t know where they stand, but at least now he’ll get all the time in the world to fix what’s broken.

“That must be nice to have that luxury now,” Kane comments, “but won’t you miss the band?”

“We’re still going to keep in touch, and meet. We’re still best friends first, and bandmates second and nothing is going to change that. We already have a full weekend planned together in a few weeks.” Bellamy smiles because after everything that have happened to him since he got that guitar all those years ago, meeting the band was probably one of the best thing that had ever happened to him.

“It seems like you’ve got it all planned out, haven’t you?” Kane asks with a warm smile.

“I hope so,” Bellamy laughs.

“Well it’s fantastic to hear, but I’m afraid we have to cut it here, after all, we have an entire band to talk to after this,” Kane says, rubbing his hands together while turning to a camera, and directing his focus on it instead of Bellamy. The interview was now (finally) over.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve had the pleasure of getting to know Bellamy Blake by himself, but after this break we’ll bring out the rest of the band so stay tuned!” The audience applauds and cheers and soon after the cameraman lets them know that they’re not filming anymore.

Kane turns to Bellamy to shake his hand and to thank him for the interview. “It has been a real pleasure to have you here, Mr Blake.”

“The pleasure’s all mine, Kane,” Bellamy replies.

“Do you have any plans on what you’re going to do after the shows airs tomorrow? I mean, a lot of people are going to have very strong opinions.” Kane raises an eyebrow as he waits for Bellamy to reply.

“Not really, I think I’ll just take it as it comes. It’s going to be a big change for a lot of people and it’s going to take some time for it to sink in and for people to accept it,” Bellamy replies.

“You’re a smart, young man, Bellamy” Kane says with warmth in his voice and all of a sudden Bellamy feels his cheeks getting warmer by the compliment.

They say their farewells, but before Bellamy leaves, Kane speaks up.

“One more question.”

“Shoot,” Bellamy says.

“What’s Octavia’s friend’s name?”

Bellamy raises an eyebrow in confusion. “Clarke, why?”

“She’s a lucky girl.” Kane smiles bright and big at Bellamy.

“What- what do you mean?”

“Oh I’m sure you know very well what I mean.”

\---

_“Hey, when did you first start to like me?” Clarke’s question threw him off guard for a few seconds before he laughed and burrowed his head in her neck._

_They were lying in his bed, both in underwear and joking around, looking at each other, talking and simply enjoying the moment._

_The seriousness in Clarke’s question, and the burning fire in her eyes threw him off guard._

_“What do you mean?” Bellamy asked with a smirk._

_“You know damn well what I mean!” She laughed and slapped his arm._

_“Nah, my head’s not really in the game at the moment.” She raised an eyebrow at him._

_“Really?”_

_“Really.” He earned another slap._

_She looked so damn beautiful with messy hair, a small flush on her cheeks and swollen lips she got from kissing him. He could get used to this look._

_He gently stroked her back with his fingertips and she closed her eyes, humming with approval._

_“Do you remember the night when I found the old notebook my mom had gotten for me, and later I found you reading it?” He asked, moving his hand from her back up to her neck and later out on her arm._

_“Mhm,” she replied with sleep caressing her voice._

_“I have always thought of you as a solid ground in my life,” he continued, “you’re O’s best friend, you were there when out mom died and you have always been there for the most important events in my life. But that night at the kitchen table when we were talking, that’s when I knew.”_

_“Knew what?” Clarke asked and opened her eyes again._

_Bellamy laughed loudly at her. “Have you already forgotten your question, princess?”_

_“I got distracted,” she mumbled and he found it so adorable he just had to kiss her._

_“I’m great at distractions,” he whispered and he could visibly see her shiver._

_He licked his lips._

_The air around them changed and Bellamy swallowed hard. He knew what was about to happen, but no, he wanted to do this right._

_“What about you, when did you first realize that you had feelings for me?” He joked, making her laugh. That sound was probably his favourite sound in the entire world right now._

_Clarke, who was lying on her stomach, turned over so that she was now facing him, popping her head up and leaning it on her hand. She returned the favour and began to stroke his back with her fingertips. He understood why she had liked it so much._

_“In my eyes, you have always been Octavia’s mysterious and hotter older brother-“ she cut herself of when Bellamy started to smirk at her. “No stop, I’m trying to talk here!”_

_Bellamy made a gesture of zipping his lips together and Clarke continued. “So I’ve always felt kind of… Attracted to you, but it was just stupid crush, or so I thought.” Bellamy chuckled quietly, watcher her with curious eyes. She was currently occupied with following her hand as she traced it across his back. “The night at the karaoke bar when I filmed you singing, it was that night.”_

_“Huh.”_

_“What do mean by ‘huh’?” She asked, meeting his eyes._

_“I don know, I just didn’t think that was the trigger,” he replied honestly._

_“It wasn’t really you singing that made me realise it,” she said, suddenly shy._

_Bellamy tilted his head in question, and suddenly her cheeks turned pink and she groaned and buried her head in the pillow._

_“Hey, what is it?” He asked, sitting up and was leaning on his elbow for leverage._

_“It’s embarrassing!” She groaned into her pillow._

_Bellamy chuckled and leaned forward, pressing small kisses on her shoulder, across her arm and travelled up and kissed her neck, which earned another groan. “It’s not fair, I showed you mine, now you have to show me yours.”_

_“You’re gonna laugh,” she said, turning her head to look at him._

_“I promise I won’t.”_

_“You know the video I posted?”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“After I stopped recording Miller dropped a comment something about if I wasn’t going to marry you, he would,” she stopped abruptly because Bellamy was about to crack up but he quickly realised his mistake and pressed his lips together._

_Clarke continued._

_“When he said that, I got this- this feeling in my stomach, that, I couldn’t see you together with anybody else than me,” she whispered, suddenly feeling vulnerable. “I wanted to be the one who got to be with you, grow old together. I wanted you to be mine.”_

_The room went quiet and Bellamy’s chest suddenly grew. He simply just stared at her, feeling to many feeling about her all at once. He loved her._

Holy shit he loved her.

_“Say something,” she said when it had been too quiet for too long._

_“I didn’t laugh,” he replied with warmth in his voice and a smirk on his lips_

_“You were going to!” She slapped him again. “Say something else.”_

_“You’re amazing Clarke Griffin, how did I ever get so lucky to get to have you in my life?” He said, taking a piece of her hair and tucking it behind her ear._

_“You’re not funny.”_

_“I’m not trying to be.”_

_“Well, in that case,“ she said while popping herself up on her elbow, just like his position, “I think that’s enough talk for now, don’t you think?” She asked with a smirk._

_“You know what, I kinda want to talk all day and all night lon-“ he was interrupted by Clarke slapping him. Again._

_“Stop slapping me!” He laughed._

_“Make me,” she challenged._

_“You’re going to regret that,” he said with a low grumble and he could visibly see Clarke swallow._

_He surged forward to capture her face with his free hand and pressed his lips on hers._

Bellamy thought back on the memory of the two of them before they had the talk and Bellamy felt slight sick. He hated not talking to Clarke, but he honestly didn’t had the guts to pick up the phone to call or text her.

He was a coward.

But then again, either Clarke had picked up her phone to call him.

After his interview he didn’t stay behind to listen to the other band members. He just wanted to go home, open up a beer and sit on his couch and do nothing.

Life had, of course, other plans.

After about an hour after he came home he got a call from his sister.

“Hey big brother!” An enthusiastic Octavia greeted when Bellamy picked up his phone.

“Hi O,” he answered with a small smile on his lips while taking a few sips from the bottle.

“So I was thinking,” she said, “that because of the show airing tomorrow, and you having your final show on Friday, you’ll need moral support.”

“Mhm?”

“So I’m on my way home from work, and as soon as I have packed, I’m coming up to see you.”

“You’re _what_?!” Bellamy choked on his beer.

“Don’t be such a child, Bell. It’s been ages since I came to New York to visit you, which reminds me I’ll need two tickets to your show,” Octavia said as it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Why do you need two tickets?” He asked, sensing she wasn’t entire honest with him.

“A girl who used to work at the vet clinic now lives in New York, and I thought I was gonna hit two birds with one stone by visiting you and her, so I thought that I would take her to your show with me.”

“Right,” he said with suspicion running through his voice, “why don’t I believe you?”

Octavia sighed. “It’s the truth, Bell. You don’t have to worry about me bringing Clarke, she’s working either way and she couldn’t get the week off.”

Bellamy’s hears was hammering against his chest. “That’s not why-“

“Of course it is! Stop being a baby and man up!”

Bellamy sighed. “Alright, I’m sorry. When will you be here?”

“Around midnight, I think. You don’t have to worry about picking me up because my friend already said she’ll do it.”

“Sounds good, “ Bellamy replied.

“So I’ll come as soon as I wake up tomorrow, spend the day with you and later we’ll watch Kane’s show. Then we’ll have the entire Wednesday to do whatever in the city, and on Thursday when you’re rehearsing the big show I’ll spend the day with my friend, and on Friday we’ll come to the show – you’ll have to get us VIP tickets so we can watch from backstage by the way – and then we’ll have the entire weekend to do all kinds of stuff. Then I’ll go home on Sunday evening!” Octavia took in a long breath making Bellamy laugh.

“You’ve already thought this through, haven’t you?”

“It’s like you don’t even know me,” she sighed dramatically.

“I love you too.”

“Love you big brother, see you tomorrow! Bye!”

“Bye, Octavia.”

He didn’t like it one bit, because he knew Octavia, and he knew that she wasn’t telling the entire truth.

Bellamy was genuine terrified of what was going to happen this week, but he loved that she would travel all that way just to be his moral support.

Terrified, but also very, very happy. He missed his sister. But she was up to something.

\---

The days when Octavia was visiting flew by. Literary the first thing she asked when she saw him (after she had hugged him of course) was if he had gotten a hold on a pair of VIP tickets to his show.

Of course he had.

Then they proceeded to spend the day in his apartment, watching series, eating ice cream and just hanging out like they used to do.

An hour before Kane’s show, Bellamy suddenly got very, very nervous. Octavia had then proceeded to slap him on his arm and called him a baby, and then hugged him. Hard.

He got a lot of texts from the band, telling him to man up and that they were proud of him and of each other. They were in this together and he could be happier than he was.

He could, but he would never admit it. He missed a very special blonde.

He tweeted out a quick _'the show of the year is on in an hour, please be kind to me x (ps special announcement at the end don’t miss it)'_ , and posted a pic of him and Octavia making funny faces on Instagram.

His show started, and he kept glancing over at Octavia for the entire full hour just to see her reaction. She actually cried a few times, and it made his eyes tear up. In the beginning when he talked about their childhood and their mom she grabbed his hand and squeezed it hard.

She didn’t let go through the entire programme.

The response he got, the response the band got, was not what he had expected. His entire feed was filled with people telling him that they loved him and the boys either way and just wanted him to live life the way he wanted and that they hoped he was happy.

Sure, there were a lot of people hating on him, but it was easy to overlook then he realised that the positive feedback was way bigger.

Octavia tweeted out picture of them both from when they were younger with a simple caption as _‘I couldn’t be happier to call this nerd my brother, Love you Bell xo’._

The entire night was amazing.

After Octavia had left to go to her friend’s place again, he skyped with the band, talking about the show and rehearsal and how they wanted the show to end.

They all pretty much had the same idea.

_With a big bang._

He got up at eight in the morning, and fifteen minutes later his phone began to ring.

His heart was hammering against his chest.

He walked up to his phone, which was laying on his kitchen table and he smiled when he saw Miller’s name flashing by.

“My, how come I’m greeted by his highness’ presence?” Bellamy greeted his friend when he picked up.

“Shut up Blake, you’re not that important,” the man on the other line replied and Bellamy laughed.

“It’s nice to hear your voice man, how’s it going?”

“You know, my famous best friend is quitting his job and he decided that he’s going to move back so he can spend some quality time with me so that’s always good.”

“You know you’re the only reason I’m doing this, right?” Bellamy asked with a smirk as he tried to get dressed. It was not easy to try and put your pants on when one of your hands were occupied by holding a phone.

“Is it now you’re going to admit that you’re secretly in love with me?”

Bellamy scuffed. “You wish.”

“Nah I know where your heart lies,” Miller said with ease and Bellamy could hear his smile on his voice, “speaking of which, have you heard from her?”

Bellamy’s heart sank.

“No, not since the night back home,” he said and was suddenly hit by a wave of sadness.

Miller let out a long whistle. “That’s harsh, man.”

“It’s nothing, really.”

“Stop lying to me, and most important: stop lying to yourself. Pick up your damn phone and call her!” Miller paused. “I mean, after you’re done talking to me of course.” Bellamy laughed.

“Perhaps after the show tomorrow, I need to focus,” Bellamy said and buttoned his pants. He went over to his wardrobe and pulled out a simple white t-shirt that went along nicely with his dark, skinny jeans.

“Sure, fine, whatever, just promise me that you’ll do it?” Miller sounded hopeful and it didn’t really fit him. He was always so straight up with what he felt, but now he almost sounded insecure.

“Sure, fine, whatever, I promise,” Bellamy answered the other man and he smiled when Miller laughed. “Enough about me, how’s it going with Monty?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about!”

“ _Sure you don’t._ ”

And after that the conversation about Clarke was long forgotten.

\---

The rehearsal went great, and as the “doomsday” were closing in, the more nervous Bellamy became. But he pushed it away.

The line-up was perfect, they nailed all their songs and agreed that the final song of the big grand finale was going to be their first song ever.

Bellamy was going to sing, and occasionally play the guitar.

Murphy was, of course, on the drums as always.

Jasper played the bass, and Monty played the guitar whenever Bellamy didn’t, and when he did, he played the keyboard. The little dude was talented.

Nothing could bring Bellamy’s happy mood down.

Absolutely nothing.

\---  
The D day arrived and Bellamy was a nervous wreck the entire day.

Octavia texted him ten times (yes, he counted them, printed it and posted it on twitter) to stop being such a wuss and that everything was going to be fine.

He spent the day backstage with the band, playing videogames whenever they weren’t rehearsing and they had a blast. Even Murphy was being tolerable.

The show was going to start at six that Friday evening, and at five thirty he got a text from his sister that fucked up his head.  
  
 **octavia 5:29pm**  
_I have not been entirely honest with you_

And it was followed up by a text that said ‘I kinda have a surprise for you’

 **bellamy blake 5:30pm**  
_o what the hell have you now done_

 **Octavia 5:32pm**  
_don’t worry big brother. It’s nothing terrible, and you’ll get it after your show_  
  
 **bellamy blake 5:32pm**  
_you’re horrible and I hate u_  
  
 **Octavia 5:44pm**  
_no you don’t. don’t be so mean. Break a leg and good luck. x_

 **bellamy blake 5:45pm**  
_ur a brat and I hate u. love you too x_

And then the show began.

\---

Murphy was first out on stage, at behind his drums and began to play a very familiar beat and the crown went wild. The rest of the gang stood at the side of the stage, waiting to go on stage and they were all grinning like idiots.

“Holy crap that’s a lot of people!” Jasper whispered and grabbed a hold of Monty’s shoulders and shook him.

“You know, they can’t actually hear you,” the other man replied and Bellamy laughed.

“Oh shut up!”

“Jasper, you’re up!” A guy yelled besides them and Jasper saluted and ran out on stage and grabbed a hold of his bass and started to play along with the beat Murphy was playing, and the crowd went wild again.

“This is it, huh?” Monty asked and looked at the other man.

“We’ll come back again in a few years,” Bellamy replied, “it’s not like it’s the end or anything. We’ll still be friends and hang out, and gossip about boys.” Bellamy winked and Monty groaned.

“It was one time, and I was drunk and I-“

“Monty you’re up!” The same guy yelled and Bellamy laughed and pushed Monty out on the stage.

Monty did the same as the two before him and Bellamy took a deep breath and followed them.

The crown went nuts and Bellamy had to take a few second just to take it all in.

It was the biggest audience yet, and they were all cheering, clapping and shouting. It was insane.

Bellamy looked back at the boys behind him, and they were all grinning like idiots. How could they ever leave this behind?

Bellamy lifted up the mic to his lips and he started to sing.

The song was one of their newest and it was crazy how all of the people who was there sang along and how they knew every word.

It was almost always like that on tour and whenever they were preforming, but the fact that this was their last show just made it so much more special.

After the song was finished, Bellamy walked around a bit and started to talk to the people.

“That was... I mean, just wow you guys!” He laughed and pulled his fingers through his hair, already feeling how he was getting warmer and warmer. And this was only their first son. “Welcome, to the last and final show of me and the boys! I hope that you’ll enjoy it as much as we will, but enough talking, and let’s get to why you came here tonight!” As of queue, Jasper began to play on his bass and the rest of the band followed.

The rest of the concert went like that: they played a few songs and Bellamy talked for a little bit. It was awesome, and he loved everything about it.

Except he hadn’t seen Octavia, where was she?

They only had one song left when he heard someone whistle behind him (and how he heard it he had no idea), and when he looked back, all of the boys were grinning like idiots. He raised his eyebrow at them and then Murphy of all people, pointed to the side of the stage where they had originally had come from, and saw Octavia standing there.

With Clarke.

He was going to kill his sister. There was no friend, she had been staying with Clarke this entire time.

He just started at the pair, saw how big Octavia’s smile was and how shy Clarke’s was. It was unreal to see her standing there after all this time, and it made his chest flutter and he didn’t know what he would do.

But then it hit him.

“Jasper, let me borrow your guitar,” he said and walked over to him. “Change of plans, just follow my lead I’ll make it up to you guys I promise,” Bellamy said to the rest of the boys.

Murphy saluted and sat back with his hands behind his head as Bellamy grabbed the guitar Jasper was holding. Jasper winked at him and then walked up to stand next to Monty and they were all watching him with eager eyes.

Bellamy walked up to the microphone that was standing up and he suddenly felt very nervous.

“This is, I’m afraid, the last song for tonight, but I wanted to make it special. This whole parade started with one song, and I think that we’ll finish it the same way, don’t you think?” He smiled at the crowd and then turned his head to the two girls and his eyes met Clarke’s.

“This song goes out to a very special someone, so if I could get your help, I want you all to be as quiet as you can, and when the chorus comes, you can all go nuts, deal?” He said as he tuned his head to the crowd again and he smiled when they cheered.

“Anyway, this one is called ‘ _Take Me As I Am_ ’, written by me, and now performed by me and my boys. Enjoy.”

He began to play the chords on the guitar as soft as he always did, and started to sing. The people in the crown was dead quiet, and soon one by one they all started to put up lighters to the sky and wave them slowly to the left and then to the right.

_“Take me as I am, ‘cause I’m goin,_   
_I was too scared to start,_   
_And now I’m too scared to let go_   
_Take me as I am, ‘cause I’m Growin’,_   
_But it’s so hard to tell when I’m not used to this so”_

As Bellamy sang those lyrics he looked directly at Clarke and he swore that he could see tears in her eyes.

He just wanted to run up to her, to kiss her and tell her that he lived her. But he had a show to finish first.

And that’s what he and the rest of his band did.

\---

Bellamy didn’t meet Clarke after the concert ended, she and Octavia must have snuck away sometime before he stopped singing.

Of course that wasn’t their last song, they finished as they had said from the start – with their first song together and it was magical. They all gave their best performance yet and went out with a bang, literary.

They had fireworks as the final act and when it was done, they all walked up to the front, standing together and bowed. They laughed (Jasper even cried), cheered and even danced.

They had a blast.

They had agreed not to have an after party, they were going to have it at their meet up a few week later and they were going to meet back home at Bellamy’s, go out and get wasted.

So Bellamy went straight home and threw himself at the couch and started his TV.

It was nearly midnight when his doorbell rang and he looked at the door in confusion as it could answer his silent question.

He turned his TV of and slowly walked to the door as it rang again and he was feeling a bit irritated. Who the fuck rings a door bell not once, but twice in the middle of the night?

He opened the door and was about to yell at the person, but when he saw who it was, he quickly shut his mouth.

He stood there for a solid five seconds, both of them did, when he finally spoke. “Clarke.”

“Hi, Bell,” she said with a small smile, and she looked down at her fingers, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. “Can I come in?”

“Sure,“ he said and stepped aside and couldn’t take his eyes off her. So he just stared dumbly at her until she turned around and took a deep breath.

“That was some show,” she said and he laughed at the absurdity of it.

“We haven’t spoken in ages and that’s what you’re opening with?” He couldn’t help himself as it just slipped out of his mouth. He saw how she cringed and sighed and he felt a pang of guilt.

“I know I’m sorry, but communication is a two way street, Bellamy,” she said as she walked up to his couch and sat down.

He realised he was still holding his door open and shook his head, closed it and followed her. He sat at the other end at the couch, too afraid of what he might just do if he sat closer to her.

“You do have a point.”

“I usually do,” she replied.

“What changed?” He asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Why are you here, talking to me?”

“Oh,” she said dumbly and gave him a sad smile. “I guess I was tired of not having you in my life.” She said as it was the most obvious thing in the world. “And that I was being stupid.”

“Couldn’t argue with you on that,” he said with a smirk and earned a laugh from her. “I guess I feel the same way.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” it felt like he could breathe easier now with Clarke by his side, something he hadn’t been able to do since last time that he saw her.

“Clarke what happened that night?” And there was the question that had been eating him up for weeks.

“Honestly? I guess I got scared,” she started and as Bellamy opened up his mouth to reply she held up her hand to stop him, “no let me finish, please. I got scared. I had planned that I was going to make a grand gesture that night, tell you that I was out on social media, out in the open and then I met Lexa and I knew that I fucked up. I met her through work, and she’s lovely. She flirted, and maybe I flirted back, but we’re nothing more than friends, at least that’s what my intentions were. Not hers.

You saw us there together and I could see the hurt in your eyes and I knew that I didn’t deserve you, that I had made the biggest mistake in my life and that you’d never take me back. Then Finn came and made everything worse. I went inside to get Octavia because I didn’t know what to do and I was so scared that you were going to ruin your career, ending up in the papers that you were in a fight, but when we arrived outside you were already gone.

I was so ashamed, terrified that you’d never speak to me again and I didn’t dare to show my face to you, and the next day you went back to New York. You don’t know how many times I’ve picked up the phone and tried to call you but I couldn’t bring myself and I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I’m so sorry, Bell,” tears were streaming down her face and she was sobbing and Bellamy swallowed hard.

“Come here,” he said and moved closer to her and put his arms around her so that’s he could lean on his chest and cry. “I never blamed you, I blamed myself, okay?” He said as he pressed kisses on her hair and stroked his fingers over her back.

“I was pretty pissed when I heard that you were on twitter without telling me because I thought- I thought then when you were ready, you would tell me, come to me. But you didn’t, and I understood later that perhaps you were planning on telling me the entire time. But fucking Finn-“ she let out a laugh in between her sobs and Bellamy felt like it was a small victory.

“Fucking Finn,” she agreed and she leaned back so that she could look at him.

“But I’m here now, and so are you,” he said with a quiet voice and he put a strand of hair that was covering her face behind her ear.

“Here I am,” she whispered back and Bellamy laughed. “That song,” she started and he knew exactly which one she meant, “was that for me?” She asked with a small voice.

“Clarke, when I first wrote that song, I wrote it to you without ever realising it at first, but I mean every word of it.” He swallowed hard, waiting for her reply.

“Oh thank God, because I’m so fucking in love with you Bellamy Blake.” She wiped her tears from her cheeks and Bellamy gave her a goofy smile.

“Yeah?” he choked out and it made Clarke laugh even more.

“Yeah, you silly excuse of a human-“ she was cut off by Bellamy’s lips against hers.

He hadn’t planned on kissing her, but then she said that she loved him and he could really help it. She laughed into the kiss and grabbed a fistful of his hair and dragged his face closer to hers, making Bellamy yelp by surprise.

They kissed and they kissed and kissed, and Bellamy wanted more but he didn’t know what was okay and what wasn’t. So he started small.

He gently tugged Clarke’s lower lip and earned a small moan from her and he grinned. She opened her lips for him and he licked into her mouth, deepening their kiss.

The couch wasn’t exactly an ideal place for what they were about to do, but he really didn’t care. He caressed her face with his hand and gently moved his thumb over her cheekbone. He broke the kiss, but their faces were only inches apart.

He gazed into her eyes and he couldn’t recall a time in his life when he had been this happy.

“In case you didn’t know,” he started, “I love you too.”

Clarke’s face split up in a giant smile and she surged forward and pressed their lips together yet again. Only this time, she didn’t take it slow, and neither did he.

Her kisses grew more and more eager, and her hands were all over him: his face, down to his chest, his arms and suddenly, she broke apart from him and he looked at her with a tilted head, asking a silent question and she just shook her head, gripped his t-shirt and removed it from his body.

He licked her lips which made Bellamy groan and he grabbed her neck to pull her closer. Her hand were roaming over his body and Bellamy groaned when her hands were over the bulge in his pants.

It wasn’t really fair that he was the one without a shirt, so he broke apart again only to remove her shirt, and as soon as it had left her body, his lips were on hers again. He moved his hand over her bare arms and he could see and feel her shiver.

Bellamy smirked into the kiss and moved down her throat, kissed her pulse, and nibbled at her collarbone making Clarke moan. God he loved that sound.

“C’mere,” Clarke panted, grabbed his head and pulled him up again to kiss him.

“You know, “ he panted as they broke apart for air, “I do have bedroom.”

“Then why the hell are we still here?” Clarke laughed.

Bellamy took it as a challenge and he stood up from the sofa. Clarke’s smile faltered for a mare second, only to reappear on her face again as he lifted her up.

She yelped and she straddled his hips, grinning from ear to ear as he pulled her fingers though his hair and as Bellamy palmed her ass. He smirked at her and slowly leaned forward, still gazing up on her as his lips landed on her collar bone again.

Clarke’s eyes shut and her mouth opened, forming a small ‘o’ and Bellamy felt like it was big success.

He slowly moved his lips lower and lower, pressing small and petite kisses on her marble skin. Soon he was kissing her breasts and Clarke’s breath hitched.

“Bellamy,” she moaned, “bedroom. Now.”

“As the princess demands,” he chuckled and gave her ass a light squeeze as he carried her to his bedroom where they explored each other bodies a second time, like they did that night many, many eons ago.

\---

_Epilogue - Clarke_

Clarke woke up with a slight groan as the light from the window hit her face.

She slowly opened her eyes, and blinked a few times not quite remembering where she was for a half a second. A body next to her moved slightly and her eyes darted to the figure.

_It was Bellamy._

Suddenly she remembered her last evening, and their night together, and the memories from it made her cheeks slightly blush.

Bellamy hadn’t woken up yet, and Clarke took the time she had to study him. He looked to peaceful, and so happy. Clarke smiled to herself.

She was suddenly struck with an idea which made her smirk, a smirk mimicking Bellamy’s from last night and she really, really hoped that he wouldn’t wake up.

She rolled over in the bed, making sure that she was careful not to wake him up, and she grabbed his phone that was laying on his table next to the bed.

She wrote in his password (seriously, after all these years he still had the year Octavia was born as his password) and opened the camera app.

She then rolled over again, still being very careful with her movements and she placed herself next to him. Bellamy mumbled something and Clarke suddenly stopped in her movements, heart hammering against her chest and she pressed her lips together and waiter for him to wake up.

But he never did.

He just groaned again and pulled out his arm in his sleep, grabbing a hold of her hips and pulled her closer to him, using her chest as a pillow. She was pretty glad that she was wearing one of his shirts for what she was about to do.

She held his phone above their heads, and she turned her face to look at him with a smile that promised love and affection, and she took the photo. She knew what this was going to mean to him.

She opened up his twitter and attached the picture with the caption ‘I don’t want you to be my fan. I want you to be mine,” and then posted the tweet.

She placed the phone back to the table, again and then rolled over once more and then proceeded to wake him up on the best way possible.

Yup, she was sure that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with this man.

**Author's Note:**

> WOW YOU FINALLY MADE IT THROUGH! Hope that you liked it a bit more than me because I can't stand the damn thing anymore since it's been in my drafts since DECEMBER.
> 
> Hit me up on boob-morley on tumblr!


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